07.15.07
Solarbabies
A truly harrowing tale, Solarbabies is a film that defined a generation of scrappy, rollerskating, post-apocalyptic orphans.
Jason (Jason Patric), Terra (Jami Gertz) and Daniel (Lukas Haas) lead a group of misfit orphans including A Nerd and A Black Kid on a journey across the barren post-apocalyptic desert in search of their families and water. Apparently, the government is holding all the water hostage for some reason?
But before they can rescue the planet’s water (since this duty falls to them for some reason) the orphans have to escape from their government-run orphanage. When Daniel runs off when the glowing orb that the kids have been playing futuristic lacrosse with, called Bodhi and it leads him out into the desert, the others have no choice but to go searching for him on their rollerskates! Luckily, the post-apocalyptic desert has a lot of smooth, downhill paths. The kids manage to evade the Earth Police, who want to bring them back to the orphanage but the boys are eventually captured by bounty hunters who leash them up to a carriage of sorts and force them to pull them through the desert. Meanwhile, Terra locates her long lost family who live in a cave where a melting glacier gives them plenty of valuable water. Terra and her new tribe rescue the other orphans and Jason decries that they have to go liberate earth’s water and Bodhi, who has been kidnapped by the EP.
Meanwhile, Evil Guy in Futuristic Corrugated Suit and Short-haired Eurotrash Bitch are performing experiments on Bodhi with their robot that can “squeeze the color from a ruby and pluck the eyeball from a living bird” and “is programmed to enjoy it.” Neither ruby nor bird, the robot doesn’t affect Bodhi. The orphans break into the water headquarters and a fight ensues. The scrappy orphans prevail and they release all the water that has been held captive, thereby saving the planet! No one seems concerned about flooding or erosion.
Overall, this is a highly entertaining movie that basically writes its own snarky commentary throughout. For instance, Bodhi is given another name by the Protectorate but it’s pretty much impossible to decipher what they are calling it - Orange Juice? Laundryness? The hilarious possibilities are endless. This sort of baffling dialogue coupled with mediocre rollerskating feats, futuristic desert locales and really earnest performances make Solarbabies the perfect solution for what to watch when there is nothing else on.