08.27.07
Posted in best of, industry news, drama, reviews at 10:33 pm by FilmFemme
First things first - did Owen Wilson try to commit suicide? If that was a publicity stunt, it was a good one, because it made me want him even more. Hey, does anyone know how Luke is taking this? Because if either one of them needs a shoulder to cry on, well, I would be happy to oblige. Shit, I would settle for Andrew.
UPDATE: Owen better be under close guard for a while because as soon as he finds out the b-roll they are using to cover this is from You, Me and Dupree, he is going to try again.
Now, the review. Honestly, when it first came on the screen, I was more than ready to hate Transamerica. After all, Felicity Huffman looked soooo ugly in all the trailers, how could I stand to look at her for 2 hours? She looks equally ugly at the beginning of the movie, but they let her look better and better. And mostly, I forgot about it because this is a pretty fucking good movie! I mean, the story was completely engaging, and the acting was really great all around. On top of all that, Huffman’s co-star was this really super hot guy. I guess he’s a little like Zac Efron, but way way less gay, despite his character starring in a gay porn.
My least favorite part of the movie came about 35 minutes in when I realized that the main plot had the two lead characters - Sabrina (Huffman) and her son Toby (hotness) - driving across the country (their journey is TRANScontinental, if you will). And one of them is a TRANSsexual. And it’s called TRANSAmerica. Ohhhhh. *GROAN*
So, Sabrina is about to get a gender reassignment surgery but then she finds out she fathered a son 17 years ago and she goes to find him and they like, become friends but she can’t bring herself to tell him that she is his father and when she finally does he runs away and dyes his hair blonde and stars in a gay porn called Cowabunghole (no, really). That’s a lot of confusing pronouns, huh? Anyway, it’s a domestic melodrama/road movie and it’s really well written and all of the supporting roles are filled with really fantastic actors. I was especially impressed with Fionnula Flanagan as Sabrina’s mother.
I think the most surprising part was how genuinely funny it was. Like this:
Dr. Spikowsky: How do you feel about your penis?
Bree Osbourne: [giving up] It disgusts me. I don’t even like looking at it.
Dr. Spikowsky: What about friends?
Bree Osbourne: They don’t like it either.
Maybe that’s an obvious joke to make, but something about how Sabrina (she goes by ‘Bree’) uses jokes to get through uncomfortable times is so very real and relatable. So, I liked this movie a lot and recommend it.
Oh, and Reese Witherspoon beat out Felicity Huffman for the Oscar? I’m starting to think the Oscars don’t actually have anything to do with talent and performance!
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08.21.07
Posted in best of, comedy, reviews at 9:43 am by FilmFemme
Since I rediscovered Arrested Development in the last few months, I have fallen completely, utterly, head over heels in love with Michael Cera. Could he BE any CUTER? His shy and awkward bumbling is like, why people used to love Hugh Grant, except for he’s only 19! And he just seems so damn wholesome. Superbad, which I have been eagerly awaiting for what seems like MONTHS (probably because it has actually been months), in no way diminished my love for him.
If you’ve seen any/all of the trailers, it’s pretty obvious what the ‘plot’ of this movie is. Kids are graduating from high school. Kids want to get laid. Kids need booze to get laid. Kids get booze but don’t end up getting laid anyway because, that’s not what they wanted even though they thought it was.
I really liked this movie, but I could have stood for a little less of Jonah Hill and his schtick. He has some hilarious moments, but his wacky energy can get to be a little much. Also, I could not buy that the semi-hot girl that seemed to be into him (I am only surmising her hotness because the plot seemed to imply it and she is thin. I did not find her hot or cute at all but luckily her overgrown bangs covered most of her face) would actually be into him. Yeah, he’s a little funny but also kind of a jerk and soooooo fat. Of course, I also couldn’t believe that every girl in the school wasn’t chasing after Michael Cera. The girl that he is all into is totally cute though. Awwww. I hate her guts.
So, Superbad, funny and entertaining! Or, if you prefer, Superbad is Supergood! Oh no, sorry, I had to go there. And actually I wouldn’t call it Supergood, just pretty good. Really good if you love Michael Cera and the whole thing he does.
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08.20.07
Posted in drunk reviews, action at 3:49 pm by FilmFemme
So, for some reason I had wanted to see this movie. So when my roommate brought it home and wanted to watch it after Heathers, I thought it could be cool and I stuck around. Let’s keep in mind that my review of Heathers was my most recent Drunk Review. Needless to say, I had not sobered up by the time we popped in 300.
From what I gathered in my impaired state, a bunch of dudes, let’s call them the Six-Pack Spartans, need to go fight some other dudes, only there are way more of the other dudes. But it’s OK because the Spartans all have six-packs and what seem to amount to magical shields and generally superhuman asskicking abilities.
The whole movie is a weird shade of brownish-gold. And deeply crimson blood flies around in slow motion. And there’s some guy who wears a bunch of jewelry who the Spartans hate (probably because he like asked them for blowjobs or something, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened). There’s also a heavy-handed voiceover that explains *exactly* what is going on. And one chick who is like queen or something.
I know I was drunk and all, but, this movie was really confusing and the plot seemed to only function to string together hyper-stylized fight scenes. Lots of nice six-packs, though…I wish I could have gone to the wrap party for this movie.
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08.17.07
Posted in best of, comedy, drunk reviews, reviews at 10:04 pm by FilmFemme
I want Christian Slater to be my boyfriend and kill my enemies and then drive me away on his motorcycle and then blow himself up because I broke up with him because he’s a sociopath that kills all my enemies. That would be so fucking hot. And I would be getting laid a lot more than I am now.
Apparently he has been criticized for this before (I’ll find a link when I’m sober[here’s one from amazon]) but, why is Christian Slater doing a Jack Nicholson impersonation? Seriously.
Ok no, but really guys, I really liked this movie a lot. It made me fall in love with Winona Ryder all over again (I don’t remember being in love with her for the first time - Beetlejuice, maybe?). It was maybe not the most *realistic* high school movie. Like, everyone that gets murdered dies really fast. Too fast. And everything is all color-coordinated in a very artificial way. It reminded me of Jawbreaker. Only Winona Ryder is a zillion times cooler than Rose McGowan (unless she has a machine gun for a leg).
What happened to the other ‘Heathers’ in this movie? Shannen Doherty was actually likable for the first part.
I bet that ‘Blazers with Shoulder Pads, Inc.’ saw a sharp decline in profits in 1990.
Here is some choice slang usage from this movie that I am going to try to adopt:
“That is so very.”
“What’s your damage?” (this was also in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (why hasn’t anyone made a Heathers TV show?))
Here’s my favorite quote:
After killing 2 football players:
Christian Slater/Jack Nicholson: Football season was over. They had nothing to offer the school but date rape and AIDS jokes.
I didn’t know date rape and AIDS jokes even existed in 1989! I have so much to learn.
I loved Heathers. It might even be a movie I’d like to own.
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08.13.07
Posted in television, reviews at 9:27 pm by FilmFemme
I was so tired that I was too lazy to change the channel so I saw an episode of the most popular sitcom on television, “Two and a Half Men.” Here’s how it went (and how I assume every single episode of this show goes):
Charlie Sheen is an evil whore who likes to fuck retarded slutty chicks.
Charlie’s brother is a total puss.
Charlie’s brother’s ex-wife is a bitch.
There’s a little fat kid and a huge fat maid hanging around.
There are no jokes except for to describe all those things I just mentioned.
I think this show killed more brain cells than all of the drinks I had last week. And that was a lot of drinks.
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08.12.07
Posted in comedy, Random Sunday Afternoon Movie, reviews at 4:51 pm by FilmFemme
Did I even know that they made an Inspector Gadget 2? I really wish I were still ignorant of the fact. I used to watch a lot of the Inspector Gadget cartoon when I was kid. I always liked how he was a moron and his cute & precocious niece would solve all the crimes with their dog, Brain. From what I could tell in fast forward (I watched the credits sequence at regular speed - dude, I know it was a sequel - was this straight to DVD? - but they couldn’t even get the money for a CGI credits sequence? It was really shitty regular animation and not cool looking at all). Anyway, I didn’t see the first Inspector Gadget movie with Matthew Broderick, but I’m sure he was better than the squinty guy from 3rd Rock that they got for the sequel. From what I could tell in fast forward, Claw gets loose somehow (Matthew Broderick caught him in the first one, I surmised in the first 30 seconds) and taunts Gadget. Gadget’s gadgets keep fucking up and he makes some blunders and gets taken off the case but Penny (some ugly girl with bushy eyebrows) and Brain find new evidence, restore his confidence (come to think of it, why is Penny always letting Gadget take credit for her ingenuity? Perhaps Inspector Gadget is anti-feminist at its core…) and save the day. Also there is some ‘hot’ chick in a future suit (that is pretty boob-tastic for a kids movie). IMDb says that she’s called ‘G2′ so maybe she is like, a new version of Inspector Gadget. My guess it that she either turns out to be evil, or bones Gadget. And by bones, I mean she pegs him with her dildo gadget while he screams things like “Go Go harder!” My main complaint (I watched it in under 5 minutes, I can’t complain too much) is that none of the gadgets look cool - they look cheap and cheesy. Why can’t they be like chrome and rivets instead of so cartoony? Anyway, not a terrible way to spend 3 minutes of a hot Sunday afternoon. Wait, actually, there are a lot more fun things you can do with 3 minutes. Like dig out your eyeballs until they are dangling from the sockets and then dip them in a solution of sulfuric acid and bleach before putting them back in your head so you can forget that you ever watched Inspector Gadget 2.
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08.11.07
Posted in documentary, reviews at 3:21 pm by FilmFemme
So, Netflix sent me a new DVD of Born into Brothels since the first one was cracked and I watched it today. I thought it was really boring and I didn’t like it. I am a huge fan of documentaries and as long as they’re about something I’m remotely interested in, which this one was (brothels, prostitution, developing countries, women’s rights). But I just couldn’t get interested in this movie. The premise is that this woman, Zana Briski, went to a red light district in Calcutta to document the lives of the women working there. She ended up getting to know the children really well and gave them some cheapo cameras and taught them about photography so they could take pictures of their lives and eventually tried to help get them out of the brothels and into good schools. I think one of the big problems I had with it was Briski and how much she injected herself into the story (she was in front of the camera as much as the kids were) and I how I found her really annoying. Obviously, she wants to help these kids whose mom’s are whores and that’s completely noble but there was something about her mannerisms or something that just reeked of pretension and superiority, so it was hard to get on her side.
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08.09.07
Posted in guest reviews, action at 9:44 am by spectacle_triage
Jason Bourne: Aside from these headaches, living in India with Run Lola Run is pretty sweet. I may be the only rich white dude for 100 miles but it’s not like it’s possible for any normal human to rob me.
Sketchy Russians: Lets send some dude to kill Bourne, maybe he won’t be suspicious of a white guy in a nice car following him around. Also we’ll totally pwn the CIA and frame Bourne for said pwnage.
Mrs. Bourne: Jason, I’m tired of being horribly sexually satisfied by you because on occasion we have to run from spies and shit, lets not run and instea- [shot in head]
Jason Bourne: I totally told you to leave me alone, now you are all fucked.
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Posted in industry news at 9:36 am by FilmFemme
This was actually the title of a real live Los Angeles Times article today. I don’t know, LA Times, is J. Lo at a crossroads? I think you are missing the real question here, guys. I think that question is: who gives a shit about J. Lo and her fucking career and stupid choices? Oh really, El Cantante had a disappointing opening? Really? I never would have predicted that seeing as how I heard nothing about it except for that it was another J. Lo-and-her-significant-other-movie. And her significant other is significantly ugly. Really, LA Times Staff Writer Deborah Netburn (seriously, Netburn?) I hope you were at the top of your class in journalism school, because this is some hard hitting shit.
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08.07.07
Posted in drama, reviews at 9:44 am by FilmFemme
I got Born into Brothels in the mail from Netflix and finally felt like watching it last night around 9:30PM. So I stick it in the DVD player and the TV says “NO DISC.” What the hell do you mean NO DISC?? Clearly, there is a disc in there. I try again. NO DISC. So I remove the DVD and examine it and there’s a fucking crack right down the middle. Damn.
So I went on Netflix and reported the problem and thought I would try their new “Watch Now” feature, which had worked splendidly at one of my temp jobs, but not so well the last time I tried to use it at home. I picked the movie Sherrybaby because I couldn’t remember whether or not I hate Maggie Gyllenhaal and thought this would be a good test. But lo and behold, the stupid media player crashes my browser THREE times! I contend that if the player worked with Firefox, this would not happen. But it forced me to use IE, which sucked as always, and I didn’t get to watch any movie so I spent the rest of the night - ugh - reading a book. I think I don’t hate Maggie Gyllenhaal, but now we’ll never know.
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