First things first – did Owen Wilson try to commit suicide? If that was a publicity stunt, it was a good one, because it made me want him even more. Hey, does anyone know how Luke is taking this? Because if either one of them needs a shoulder to cry on, well, I [...]
Since I rediscovered Arrested Development in the last few months, I have fallen completely, utterly, head over heels in love with Michael Cera. Could he BE any CUTER? His shy and awkward bumbling is like, why people used to love Hugh Grant, except for he’s only 19! And he just seems so [...]
So, for some reason I had wanted to see this movie. So when my roommate brought it home and wanted to watch it after Heathers, I thought it could be cool and I stuck around. Let’s keep in mind that my review of Heathers was my most recent Drunk Review. Needless to say, I had [...]
I want Christian Slater to be my boyfriend and kill my enemies and then drive me away on his motorcycle and then blow himself up because I broke up with him because he’s a sociopath that kills all my enemies. That would be so fucking hot. And I would be getting laid a lot more [...]
I was so tired that I was too lazy to change the channel so I saw an episode of the most popular sitcom on television, “Two and a Half Men.” Here’s how it went (and how I assume every single episode of this show goes):
Charlie Sheen is an evil whore who likes to fuck retarded [...]
Did I even know that they made an Inspector Gadget 2? I really wish I were still ignorant of the fact. I used to watch a lot of the Inspector Gadget cartoon when I was kid. I always liked how he was a moron and his cute & precocious niece would solve [...]
So, Netflix sent me a new DVD of Born into Brothels since the first one was cracked and I watched it today. I thought it was really boring and I didn’t like it. I am a huge fan of documentaries and as long as they’re about something I’m remotely interested in, which this [...]
Jason Bourne: Aside from these headaches, living in India with Run Lola Run is pretty sweet. I may be the only rich white dude for 100 miles but it’s not like it’s possible for any normal human to rob me.
Sketchy Russians: Lets send some dude to kill Bourne, maybe he won’t be suspicious of a [...]
This was actually the title of a real live Los Angeles Times article today. I don’t know, LA Times, is J. Lo at a crossroads? I think you are missing the real question here, guys. I think that question is: who gives a shit about J. Lo and her fucking career and stupid choices? Oh really, [...]
I got Born into Brothels in the mail from Netflix and finally felt like watching it last night around 9:30PM. So I stick it in the DVD player and the TV says “NO DISC.” What the hell do you mean NO DISC?? Clearly, there is a disc in there. I try again. NO DISC. So [...]