08.12.07
Random Sunday Afternoon Movie: Inspector Gadget 2 in fast forward
Did I even know that they made an Inspector Gadget 2? I really wish I were still ignorant of the fact. I used to watch a lot of the Inspector Gadget cartoon when I was kid. I always liked how he was a moron and his cute & precocious niece would solve all the crimes with their dog, Brain. From what I could tell in fast forward (I watched the credits sequence at regular speed - dude, I know it was a sequel - was this straight to DVD? - but they couldn’t even get the money for a CGI credits sequence? It was really shitty regular animation and not cool looking at all). Anyway, I didn’t see the first Inspector Gadget movie with Matthew Broderick, but I’m sure he was better than the squinty guy from 3rd Rock that they got for the sequel. From what I could tell in fast forward, Claw gets loose somehow (Matthew Broderick caught him in the first one, I surmised in the first 30 seconds) and taunts Gadget. Gadget’s gadgets keep fucking up and he makes some blunders and gets taken off the case but Penny (some ugly girl with bushy eyebrows) and Brain find new evidence, restore his confidence (come to think of it, why is Penny always letting Gadget take credit for her ingenuity? Perhaps Inspector Gadget is anti-feminist at its core…) and save the day. Also there is some ‘hot’ chick in a future suit (that is pretty boob-tastic for a kids movie). IMDb says that she’s called ‘G2′ so maybe she is like, a new version of Inspector Gadget. My guess it that she either turns out to be evil, or bones Gadget. And by bones, I mean she pegs him with her dildo gadget while he screams things like “Go Go harder!” My main complaint (I watched it in under 5 minutes, I can’t complain too much) is that none of the gadgets look cool - they look cheap and cheesy. Why can’t they be like chrome and rivets instead of so cartoony? Anyway, not a terrible way to spend 3 minutes of a hot Sunday afternoon. Wait, actually, there are a lot more fun things you can do with 3 minutes. Like dig out your eyeballs until they are dangling from the sockets and then dip them in a solution of sulfuric acid and bleach before putting them back in your head so you can forget that you ever watched Inspector Gadget 2.