08.17.07
Drunk Reviews: Heathers
I want Christian Slater to be my boyfriend and kill my enemies and then drive me away on his motorcycle and then blow himself up because I broke up with him because he’s a sociopath that kills all my enemies. That would be so fucking hot. And I would be getting laid a lot more than I am now.
Apparently he has been criticized for this before (I’ll find a link when I’m sober[here’s one from amazon]) but, why is Christian Slater doing a Jack Nicholson impersonation? Seriously.
Ok no, but really guys, I really liked this movie a lot. It made me fall in love with Winona Ryder all over again (I don’t remember being in love with her for the first time - Beetlejuice, maybe?). It was maybe not the most *realistic* high school movie. Like, everyone that gets murdered dies really fast. Too fast. And everything is all color-coordinated in a very artificial way. It reminded me of Jawbreaker. Only Winona Ryder is a zillion times cooler than Rose McGowan (unless she has a machine gun for a leg).
What happened to the other ‘Heathers’ in this movie? Shannen Doherty was actually likable for the first part.
I bet that ‘Blazers with Shoulder Pads, Inc.’ saw a sharp decline in profits in 1990.
Here is some choice slang usage from this movie that I am going to try to adopt:
“That is so very.”
“What’s your damage?” (this was also in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (why hasn’t anyone made a Heathers TV show?))
Here’s my favorite quote:
After killing 2 football players:
Christian Slater/Jack Nicholson: Football season was over. They had nothing to offer the school but date rape and AIDS jokes.
I didn’t know date rape and AIDS jokes even existed in 1989! I have so much to learn.
I loved Heathers. It might even be a movie I’d like to own.
spectacle_triage said,
August 20, 2007 at 9:51 am
I assure you that Beetlejuice is when you first fell in love with Winona Ryder. She was super creepy-not-goth-just-her-own-brooding-Poe/Gorey-archetype hot. She might have only been 17 or so, but I was like 10, so it was totally okay that I think I got a tiny boner from that “Jump in the Line” dance at the end.