09.28.07
Posted in comedy, reviews at 4:59 pm by FilmFemme
Why does it take 70 minutes to download a 13 minute movie from iTunes? This is baffling to me.
Anyway, I downloaded and watched Hotel Chevalier in eager anticipation of Darjeeling Limited. I sort of wanted to squeal with delight about ‘DL’ but this short put a bit of a damper on my enthusiasm.
But guess what? Natalie Portman is a little hip-y. Totally sexy, still. Like sexier than anything, but more bottom heavy than I expected. You know, because she is naked in this movie.
So, I really thought there would be more too this, somehow.
It was very Wes Anderson-y. It was very pretty (not just the Naked Natalie parts) and a tiny bit funny but I didn’t feel the spark that I wanted to feel. Like I knew it was supposed to be about 2 people that broke up and then meet up again but I never felt like the stakes were high enough.
I don’t think I’m explaining this well.
Regardless, I think it’s a good decision on the part of Fox to not show this in the theatre before ‘DL’ because it might turn people off (in a movie sense, not a Naked Natalie sense, because that might turn people on…although, she does have socks on if I recall, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Do you think she fucked Wes Anderson?)
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09.27.07
Posted in comedy, drama, reviews at 12:06 pm by FilmFemme
Based on the Mamet play Sexual Perversity in Chicago, About Last Night… is a ‘raunchy’ ‘romp’ that explores the sex lives of 4 single people in Chicago in the 80s.
Demi Moore is a ‘nice girl’ who is kind of a slut and Elizabeth Perkins is a total cunt, who is also a slut. Demi Moore falls in love with Rob Lowe, they date and move in together and break up (I surmised, I didn’t actually watch the end). I don’t know or care what happens to Elizabeth Perkins. Jim Belushi seems to get laid a lot more than Jim Belushi (famous or not) should.
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09.24.07
Posted in armchair marketing, drama, guest reviews at 1:55 pm by spectacle_triage
Violence against women is bad.
Take it from me, Jodie Foster. I’ve been beaten, raped and had jizz thrown on my face more times on film than any other woman in Hollywood.
In fact, violence against women is so bad that it’s worse than murder. Watch my empowering movie and you’ll be giving a Columbian Necktie to those cat-calling construction workers in no time…
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Posted in armchair marketing, comedy at 10:38 am by FilmFemme
Poster Review
Cool it, Wes Anderson. I already like your movies. You really don’t have to waste everyone’s time making such pretty posters.
I like how the three guys each have their own thing going on (a crazy skull box, praying hands and a bandaged face, and a skeezy mustache and leis) and it somehow hearkens to the ’see no evil’ monkeys. On second thought, it very obviously refers to these monkeys (sunglasses, bandages on the ears and a mustache.) God, stop it with the clever!
I like the way that the aquamarine background has loads of detail, but because of the colors (maybe it’s some kind of filter, I’m not sure) it’s really unified and the people stand out starkly.
I also love how it reminds me of the Dushanbe Tea House which is a truly awesome place.
I think it really conveys the Wes Anderson quirkiness without seeming derivative of his other posters/films.
I’m going to shut up about it now. Just look at it. It’s so pretty!
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09.23.07
Posted in Random Sunday Afternoon Movie, action, sci fi, reviews at 4:23 pm by FilmFemme
Soldier
Released: 1998
Star: Kurt Russell
Setting: Future
Plot: N/A
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Posted in drama, reviews at 4:07 pm by FilmFemme
Back when Alec Baldwin was thin and Meg Ryan had her original lips (I wouldn’t click on that link, if I were you), they co-starred in this surprising ‘body swapping’ movie called Prelude to a Kiss. It was entertaining at parts, but ultimately not very good.
Basically they meet and have a whirlwind romance (you know, Meg Ryan, there are kinds of romance besides whirlwind, maybe you should try one sometime. No, When Harry Met Sally doesn’t count). Then they get married. It was actually kind of amazing what a nice little wedding they planned after only having dated 6 weeks. At their wedding, this really weird old guy shows up and asks to kiss the bride. She enthusiastically (yuck) accepts and of course, the kiss makes them swap bodies. So Alec ends up going on their honeymoon to Jamaica with Meg Ryan’s body that has creepy old man inside it. And yeah, um, they have sex. Yeah, I know. Ew. Alec knows something is wrong, but doesn’t figure it out until they get back to Chicago when he encounters the old man who has Meg Ryan trapped inside him. It’s worth noting that the actor who has Meg Ryan inside him (Sydney Walker) is actually really good at being Meg Ryan. Especially for a really old dude.
So, Meg Ryan’s body dumps Alec Baldwin and moves in with Meg Ryan’s parents because s/he wants to be young again and poor Alec Baldwin just cries and cries. Then he and Meg Ryan’s soul in the old man hatch a scheme to get the right souls back to the right bodies. Meg Ryan’s body comes over and they tie her up and threaten her with a dull knife, for some reason. Then they kiss but nothing happens and they both realize that they BOTH HAVE TO WANT IT. Happily ever after the end.
The best part is when Alec Baldwin and the old man kiss.
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09.22.07
Posted in best of, documentary, reviews at 9:36 am by FilmFemme
An Inconvenient Truth? More like An Inconvenient Snooze!
But seriously, Global Warming Is A Serious Issue And We Should All Curb Our Carbon Emissions, Etc.
This movie had a lot of really nice graphics and was very informative and educational but Al Gore’s even-keeled southern drawl put me right to sleep.
Also, I wrote a paper about this subject in 7th grade and no one gave me an Oscar.
But look how broodingly sexy Al Gore was back in the day: 
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09.18.07
Posted in industry news at 4:56 pm by FilmFemme
This movie was in the top 5 at the box office over the past weekend. And I have never ever heard of it ever. How the fuck did that happen?
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09.13.07
Posted in comedy, reviews at 11:37 am by FilmFemme
Just as I was typing the title to this post, I realized that the title was a play on CSI: Miami, my favorite CSI. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before.
Anyway.
I was reluctant to see Reno 911!: Miami, actually, even though I really love the show. Mostly because the trailers and posters were a total affront to anything that might be called ‘aesthetics’ or ‘good taste.’ But I should have known better, because no one does bad taste better than these guys. Aside from the ridiculous premise, which I will get to, the movie was decently funny. *
WARNING: SPOILERS AFTER THE JUMP
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09.09.07
Posted in Random Sunday Afternoon Movie, drama, reviews at 10:01 pm by FilmFemme
Here’s how IMDb summarizes this movie:
A woman faces deadly consequences for abandoning her loving relationship with her boyfriend to pursue exciting sexual scenarios with a mysterious celebrity mountaineer.
OHHHHHH. So that’s what this movie was about? In all honesty, I didn’t pay too much attention to this movie while it was on, but man was it confusing and bad. Here is how I would summarize this movie:
Heather Graham wears ugly clothes, has ugly husband, bad sex. On the street in London (where she lives for some reason) she meets Joseph Fiennes. They have some crazy wild sex. She leaves her husband (maybe they weren’t even married) and has some hot London alley sex with Joseph Fiennes(a la Jack the Ripper). She starts wearing clothes that are ugly in a completely different way. Then a lot of creepy music plays. Like, basically in every single scene. Something nefarious is happening and his sexy sister (that woman that’s on Californication now) is clearly to blame. Oh whoops, you’re not supposed to know that until the end. But it’s pretty obvious. I guess like she is in love with her brother (because he’s Joseph Fiennes) and like killed his ex-wife or something. Then I think maybe she kills him at the end. Oh, no, he kills her? I don’t remember.
Seriously, this movie was like as bad if not worse than most Lifetime movies I have seen. There’s this one part where Joseph Fiennes wants to explain what it’s like at the top of a tall mountain (he’s like a celebrity mountain climber. Can you name another mountain climber? Sir Edmund Hillary?) anyway, so he grabs a fish out of his fish tank and holds it in his hand and says something like “This is what it is like. No air.” Um. Couldn’t he have just said that without torturing the fish?
This movie sucked so much ass. And not in an interesting way. There are a lot of crazy bondage sex scenes. They are kind of hot if you can forget (1) what a bad movie this is and (2) how both of the people involved have kind of busted faces.
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