10.19.07
Daltry Calhoun
So, I love Johnny Knoxville and was completely excited to watch this movie called Daltry Calhoun on TV - starring JK himself alongside Elizabeth Banks (that funny slutty girl from The 40 Year Old Virgin, and the secretary in Spider Man) and Juliette “Licks Frontwoman” Lewis. I mean, if I had really had my wits about me, I probably would have realized that if this movie was any good I would have heard of it before. I get a little blinded to everything else when it comes to Johnny Knoxville, though. Johnny Knoxville is a no-good drunk who knocks up Elizabeth Banks when she’s like 15 and then gets kicked out of the house for being a no-good drunk. Fast forward 13 or 14 years. He’s made something of himself (read: rich!) selling sod to golf courses. Elizabeth Banks shows up with his daughter (the girl doesn’t know JK is her dad for a little while) and, you know, tenderness and conflict ensues. A big problem with the movie (besides the dumb dumb dumb story in which the girl is going to Julliard and Elizabeth Banks is dying of cancer and Juliette Lewis is total whore for JK [that part is not dumb, actually, Lewis is totally a bright spot here] and JK’s business is going under because his sod has started sprouting phallic cacti so he hires an Australian grass expert to fix it who his daughter has the hots for) is that the girl who plays the daughter (Sophie Traub) is bad and annoying as hell. About 45 minutes in, I started fast forwarding the parts that didn’t include Johnny Knoxville and that made it tolerable. Oh, there’s also a subplot about how that misogynist bald guy from *everything* that needs a misogynist bald guy, plays a dumb bald guy who waters JK’s grass and is illiterate. The daughter chick teaches him to read. No, really. Ugh. I’m going to spend this weekend looking for Johnny Knoxville. He did just get divorced, I’m sure that means I have a shot…