02.07.08
Fool’s Gold
So fool’s gold the thing is like a glittery rock that tricks idiots into thinking it’s actual gold. Fool’s Gold the movie has sexy fun posters, the presence of two hot and OK actors (Kate Hudson and Matthew McCona…MacConna…Mc…who gives a shit, just take off your shirt) who were pretty cute together in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and at least one good actor (Donald Sutherland) and tricks idiots (e.g., me) into thinking it might be a cute and fun movie.
Uh.
Not so much.
Holy shit, does Fool’s Gold blow. It is, honestly, one of the most poorly written movies I have ever ever seen. The opening sequence did live up to the fun beach romp with hot bod McC. But that was because no one talked during the first 3 minutes - there was just a fun Carribean soundtrack, some mishaps, and Theo from The Cosby Show drinking a beer. Cool, right?
It was downhill and in need of a runaway truck ramp from there. The story was retarded: Some lame/unrealistic divorce scene - but oh my god they totally don’t really want to get divorced because they are totally still in love they just both have lessons to learn - and then some totally lame treasure hunting story and then everyone is on Donald Sutherland’s huge boat and Kate and Matt convince him and his Paris Hiltonesque (but brunette) daughter (it’s worth mentioning that this chick is really good at being really annoying) to go looking for some retarded treasure only once they get there, Matt McC’s mentor is already there looking for the treasure on the tip of a scary rap star (BigBunny?) that got the tip from Matt before he sunk his boat and tried to drown him. Do they find the treasure? Do they get back together? Does everyone learn important lessons about themselves and what really matters in life? For their sake, I hope so, but I wouldn’t know because I couldn’t sit through another second of that POS so you’ll have to find out on your own. Or just like, go drink a cocktail of seawater and bad shellfish because that would probably actually be more fun.