05.26.08

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Posted in comedy, action, reviews at 4:35 pm by FilmFemme

Indiana Jones: action! adventure! charm! thrills! cheesy piece of crap!

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull opens with a CGI prairie dog. I’m not 100% sure that the rodent is CGI, but it might as well be. I guess it’s a little bit cute, but it’s mostly like:  Are you kidding me?

And believe it or not, it’s all downhill from there.

Plenty of ado has been made of Harrison Ford’s advanced age (65), but I think it might be Steven Spielberg that needs to be checked for senility. Because I can’t understand how or why this movie was made and how or why it was so bad. Ford is actually a bright spot, in all his creakiness (he looks great for 65, by the way) — but nearly ever other element is weak. Shia LaBeouf? More like Shia LaDork. How is this mop top doofus supposed to be Indy’s offspring? Karen Allen is passable returning as Marion, but the tête-à-tête that she and Indy engage in is tired and forced.

Even Cate Blanchett’s perfectly tuned icy communism can’t fill in plot holes and wild tangents that are fiercely irritating.

The crystal skull that they seek and carry with them for the duration of the movie looks like something you would buy at the Sharper Image if you were somehow forced to spend money at the Sharper Image.

The only parts that worked for me were the really repellent bug scenes that made me squirm and the occasional quip from Indy that made me smile.  Otherwise, this movie is an exercise in truly horrible filmmaking and was nothing but boring and lame.

It’s going to make a great ride, though.

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