06.15.08
The Incredible Hulk
So, I saw two movies in the row where Liv Tyler ends up in a plaid shirt, struggling to move while she’s face down on the ground. That’s kind of odd.
I liked The Strangers. I hated The Incredible Hulk. So I still don’t know how I feel about Liv Tyler on the ground.
I didn’t see Ang Lee’s last attempt at bringing this big green guy to the big silver screen, but I like Edward Norton, the aforementioned Ms. Tyler, William Hurt and Tim Roth, so I thought, “How could I go wrong with The Incredible Hulk? It must be at least half as entertaining as Iron Man.” Wrong again, FilmFemme, wrong again.
The movie opens with Bruce Banner (Norton) living a carefully calm and solitary life in the slums of Brazil, desperately seeking a cure for the Gamma poisoning that makes him into the Hulk. It’s been a long time since his last incident. But, one way or another (I actually forget which way it is), General Ross (Hurt) catches wind of his whereabouts and all hell breaks loose when the U.S. Army goes to take him in. Of course, he Hulks out and they don’t catch him.
God, I’m getting bored just writing this summary. It’s like, you can guess what happens, can’t you? He’s all Hulking. He runs into Betty Ross (Tyler) and they’re in love (only they can’t fuck or he will Hulk out…so, maybe someone can explain this to me: fucking gets his heart rate high enough for him to hulk out, so what about being scared? Like what if someone just jumps out of a closet at him [or a creepy girl in a mask shows up at his cabin!!] and his heart rate jumps up? Won’t he just Hulk out? Anyway.) and they try to find a cure and keep him away from General Ross who wants to turn him into a weapon. Meanwhile, General Ross is experimenting on Tim Roth, who is some badass army dude with the same kind of Hulk stuff so he’s getting even more badass and being all British and stuff. And there are like fights and explosions and helicopters and father/daughter conflict and all that shit.
So, whatever. The plot of The Incredible Hulk isn’t going to reinvent any genres or anything. But I swear to god it’s like no one read the script (by Zak “We are SPARTA!” Penn) to this thing before it went into production. It is AWFUL. The dialogue is cheesy and hacky, lovely Live is relegated to casting her eyes skyward and whispering “Bruce?” for half of the movie, Tim Roth is given nothing to do except look pissed off and the normally great William Hurt is stiff and unbelievable. Poorly directed by Louis Leterrier whose last movie was Transporter II, this movie brought my hopes for the rest of The Avengers movies way way down. WHY CAN’T EVERY MOVIE BE IRON MAN? Ultimately, I say “Hulk smash? More like Hulk suck.”