He’s Just Not That Into You
Firstly, can we please put the kibosh on the “America is Just That Into” and “We’re Just That Into” and “Harvey Weinstein’s Just Not That Into” headlines? Please? Pretty please? 
I went to see He’s Just Not That Into You over the weekend. It was pretty much against my will. And it pretty much made me want to kill myself. Now, I’ve never read the eponymous book – as a matter of fact, I’m not even certain I’m using the word “eponymous” correctly - but I can’t really argue with the basic tenets of said book, that are spelled out in the movie using oh-so-subtle intertitles (e.g., …if he’s not marrying you, …if he’s sleeping with someone else, …if he is Criss Angel…Ok, I made that one up, but I think you get the idea). What I can argue with is the value of this stupid movie that, though probably disturbingly accurate in some cases, is not just offensive to women, but to all adults who purport to be capable of decent, mature interpersonal relationships. Yes, everyone plays mind games once in a while, or makes a mistake, or posts a passive-aggressive status update on facebook, but for the most part, I like to believe that there are a lot of people out there who are decent and nice and not BATSHIT INSANE like everyone in this movie!
A rundown of the characters and the endless range that each actor had to display in embodying these incredible three-dimensional and completely sympathetic men and women (and a bunch of spoilers) after the jump.
GiGi (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a naive, trusting, and dare I say DESPERATE young professional woman, searching for love in the bustling metropolis that is Baltimore. She is your female friend that checks her messages obsessively, stages “run-ins” when she doesn’t get a call back and dissects “signals” and “signs” to meaningless minutia. Her completely mediocre date with Conor (Kevin “E” Connoly) begins the movie.
Janine (Jennifer Connelly) is a buttoned down control freak, untrusting of her hot husband, Ben (Bradley Cooper) and ready to have a baby.
Beth (Jennifer Aniston) is in a happily monogamous relationship with Neil (Ben Affleck), but still has a deep down desire to get married, even though he “doesn’t believe in it.”
Anna (Scarlett Johannsen) is a struggling singer who meets Ben at a convenience store and begins an affair with him. Conor is in love with her, but she feels no spark with him and would rather steal another woman’s husband.
Mary (Drew Barrymore) is Anna’s friend, who is also searching for love (surprise!) and giving Anna bad advice all along the way.
Alex (Justin Long) is Conor’s bar tending friend who ends up being GiGi’s shoulder to cry on and advice giver about the male species. But guess WHAT. She Changes Him and He Falls For Her. I KNOW that goes against the very basic principles of the book, but that’s what Hollywood is for! To create false hope! Not give ADVICE!
I can understand that to translate a self-help book into a narrative film could be a challenge for any writer. I can also see what the writers (Abby Kohn and Marc Silverstein) were hoping for – something akin to a charming American Love Actually, but it didn’t work. Instead, these characters are exaggerated stereotypes who garner no sympathy, aside from the occasional painful memory. Bright, creative, ambitious, attractive, (incredibly) well-dressed women and all we know about them is that they have Boy Trouble. And when their Boy Trouble is resolved, they are all better. Yeah, I have Boy Trouble sometimes, but more often I have Friend Trouble or Job Trouble or Apartment Hunting Trouble or Car Trouble or any of those other troubles that make up a real life. An interesting, real, LIFE.
I mean, there’s not even a good drunk dial scene, you guys. How realistic is THAT?
About a year ago, there was a book published called I Was Told There’d Be Cake, and for a few months there, every single blog post about the book was called “I Was Told There’d Be a Book Review” or “I Was Told There’d Be a Release Party” etc. I was this close to going on a ten-state killing spree because of that. It’s the little things, you know?
Wow. Ouch. I wasn’t terribly interested in this, but figured it might a last resort kind of movie if I really felt in need of a cinematic fix and my stupid rural surroundings weren’t offering up much else (happens frequently). But maybe I’ll just skip this one altogether.
Too bad, as you point out MAYBE it coulda been a Yank version of “Love Actually” or something. Not surprised they missed the boat, though….
As far as I can see, you only have your own gender to blame for these movies.
The legend to the map of my actions is probably analogous to most people’s – and with even the most modest degree of critical thought, the answers are always available for the taking. I’d venture that in upwards of 80% of relationships of conflicting agendas, the more-interested person at minimum knows subconsciously, and just continues to accept the opium of delusion.. the end result will be the same, its just a matter of enjoying as best you can a failing experience..