03.19.08
Posted in best of, opinion, industry news, lists at 12:47 pm by FilmFemme
and I can’t decide how to feel about that:
(1) Elation? Michael Cera in a movie directed by Edgar Wright in which “a young slacker […]meets the woman of his dreams but finds that he can only win her heart by battling and defeating her seven evil ex-boyfriends. ” Oh yes, tell me more, Hollywood Reporter!
(2) Confusion? Anton Yelchin in the new Terminator movie opposite Christian Bale? Why put so much sexy oppposite so much mediocre? Why why why?
(3) Trepidation? Michael Cera is also slated to be in Youth in Revolt, directed by Chuck & Buck/The Good Girl’s Miguel Arteta, but written by the awfully untalented Gustin Nash who wrote the truly horrible Charlie Bartlett starring the way overhyped Anton Yelchin! Will it be good? Can Mikey save it? Why isn’t it written by Mike White so I can be truly excited about it??
This is why I don’t read the trades anymore…I’m just not cut out for these kinds of emotional rollercoasters.
03.01.08
Posted in best of, indie, comedy, reviews at 10:31 pm by FilmFemme
You know what movies I LOVE? Igby Goes Down, Rushmore and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
This is none of those movies.
Charlie Bartlett was supposed to come out last summer but it didn’t. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with Virginia Tech, but maybe because of like psychoactive drugs and suicidal teenagers, they wanted to wait. Or maybe it was retooled or something. Who knows (OK, someone knows, but I’m not doing an investigation or something, I’m just trying to tell you about this awful movie). But now that it’s out - I hope it goes away really soon.
Charlie Bartlett (Anton Yelchin) gets kicked out of a bunch of private schools (a la Igby) so he moves home with his overly-medicated mom (Hope Davis) who is a single parent (Igby, Rushmore) and goes to public school (Rushmore). Though he doesn’t fit in at first (Rushmore), he slowly wins everyone with psychotherapy in the boys room and psychiatric medications over until he rules the school (Rushmore, Bueller). He also falls in love with Susan (Kat Dennings, the buxom daughter from 40 Year Old Virgin) who happens to be the principal’s (Robert Downey Jr.) daughter (kind of Bueller). There is some debacle with cameras in the student lounge and blah blah blah Charlie teaches everyone to love themselves, even the suicidal kid who OD’s on the drugs that he sold him: turns out he really just wanted someone to read his play! (Rushmore!)
Read the rest of this entry »
Permalink
02.07.08
Posted in best of, romance, comedy, reviews at 11:05 pm by FilmFemme
So fool’s gold the thing is like a glittery rock that tricks idiots into thinking it’s actual gold. Fool’s Gold the movie has sexy fun posters, the presence of two hot and OK actors (Kate Hudson and Matthew McCona…MacConna…Mc…who gives a shit, just take off your shirt) who were pretty cute together in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and at least one good actor (Donald Sutherland) and tricks idiots (e.g., me) into thinking it might be a cute and fun movie.
Uh.
Not so much.
Holy shit, does Fool’s Gold blow. It is, honestly, one of the most poorly written movies I have ever ever seen. The opening sequence did live up to the fun beach romp with hot bod McC. But that was because no one talked during the first 3 minutes - there was just a fun Carribean soundtrack, some mishaps, and Theo from The Cosby Show drinking a beer. Cool, right?
It was downhill and in need of a runaway truck ramp from there. The story was retarded: Some lame/unrealistic divorce scene - but oh my god they totally don’t really want to get divorced because they are totally still in love they just both have lessons to learn - and then some totally lame treasure hunting story and then everyone is on Donald Sutherland’s huge boat and Kate and Matt convince him and his Paris Hiltonesque (but brunette) daughter (it’s worth mentioning that this chick is really good at being really annoying) to go looking for some retarded treasure only once they get there, Matt McC’s mentor is already there looking for the treasure on the tip of a scary rap star (BigBunny?) that got the tip from Matt before he sunk his boat and tried to drown him. Do they find the treasure? Do they get back together? Does everyone learn important lessons about themselves and what really matters in life? For their sake, I hope so, but I wouldn’t know because I couldn’t sit through another second of that POS so you’ll have to find out on your own. Or just like, go drink a cocktail of seawater and bad shellfish because that would probably actually be more fun.
Permalink
01.28.08
Posted in best of, thriller, drama, reviews at 1:23 pm by FilmFemme
Name a great Woody Allen crime/punishment/guilt/searching for God thriller:
Crimes and Misdemeanors
Name a Woody Allen crime/punishment/guilt/searching for God thriller that would barely be worth $6.50 somewhere in Iowa, much less $14 at the Arclight in Hollywood:
Cassandra’s Dream
Which is more fun to watch, Colin Farrell as the bright spot in Cassandra’s Dream or Colin Farrell fucking a model on that sex tape?
Trick question! They are both fun to watch in their own way.
Name a woman who is hot and great to see starring in a Woody Allen movie because she’s very womanly (see: a plenty, curves) but still portrayed as “the hot girl” but is not really much of an actress:
Hayley Atwell (you get partial credit for Scarlett Johansson, but the ‘great to see starring in a Woody Allen movie’ part of the question would be wrong wrong wrong.)
Who likes the poster anyway and is going to keep going to see Woody Allen movies as long as they don’t star ScarJo or someone else that I find patently offensive because she loves Annie Hall and Manhattan more than every other movie combined?
It’s me. The sad answer for that one is ME.
Permalink
12.19.07
Posted in best of, misogyny, romance, comedy, reviews at 3:02 pm by FilmFemme
I really miss the days when it was totally acceptable for someone who looked like Dexter Fletcher (nice name!) to be the romantic lead opposite Ione Skye at the peak of her hotness. Actually, no, I don’t. But such was the world in 1989 and it was this world that brought us The Rachel Papers and what amounts to a lot of misogyny, not nearly enough Jonathan Pryce, a few jokes and Ione Skye’s tits (nice rack!).
In 80s teen movie fashion, British guy Charles (Fletcher) lives in London, has a computer and wants to get laid. He meets Rachel (Skye) and decides he MUST have her. So he employs all sorts of tricks, including keeping info on her in a database (creep!), and finally wins her over. Then they have tons and tons of sex. Then they decide that she should come to stay at the house that he shares with his sister and her crazy husband (Pryce!). But, despite the really unnecessary amounts of fucking, he gets sick of her. Read that again. HE gets sick of HER. After all the time he spent (dirty) spreadsheeting her and wooing her away from James Spader (Oh, did I not mention that? I thought ‘1989′ implied that James Spader was involved in some nefarious way), he gets sick of her because she’s always horny and expects him not to fuck other girls. GO FIGURE. So he cheats on her. And she finds out because she comes over to fuck his brains out and is like “Oh, get a condom” and he says he’s out and she says “No, you’re not, I just saw them this morning” and THEN HE TRIES TO FUCK HER WITH A USED CONDOM. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
She dumps him. She moves to New York. They go to a museum a while later (as friends) where she wears a hideous pantsuit and, I guess he learned his lesson?
I know I learned mine: Don’t ever be hornier than the guy you’re fucking. Because he’ll cheat on you.
Wait, what?
Permalink
09.22.07
Posted in best of, documentary, reviews at 9:36 am by FilmFemme
An Inconvenient Truth? More like An Inconvenient Snooze!
But seriously, Global Warming Is A Serious Issue And We Should All Curb Our Carbon Emissions, Etc.
This movie had a lot of really nice graphics and was very informative and educational but Al Gore’s even-keeled southern drawl put me right to sleep.
Also, I wrote a paper about this subject in 7th grade and no one gave me an Oscar.
But look how broodingly sexy Al Gore was back in the day: 
Permalink
08.27.07
Posted in best of, industry news, drama, reviews at 10:33 pm by FilmFemme
First things first - did Owen Wilson try to commit suicide? If that was a publicity stunt, it was a good one, because it made me want him even more. Hey, does anyone know how Luke is taking this? Because if either one of them needs a shoulder to cry on, well, I would be happy to oblige. Shit, I would settle for Andrew.
UPDATE: Owen better be under close guard for a while because as soon as he finds out the b-roll they are using to cover this is from You, Me and Dupree, he is going to try again.
Now, the review. Honestly, when it first came on the screen, I was more than ready to hate Transamerica. After all, Felicity Huffman looked soooo ugly in all the trailers, how could I stand to look at her for 2 hours? She looks equally ugly at the beginning of the movie, but they let her look better and better. And mostly, I forgot about it because this is a pretty fucking good movie! I mean, the story was completely engaging, and the acting was really great all around. On top of all that, Huffman’s co-star was this really super hot guy. I guess he’s a little like Zac Efron, but way way less gay, despite his character starring in a gay porn.
My least favorite part of the movie came about 35 minutes in when I realized that the main plot had the two lead characters - Sabrina (Huffman) and her son Toby (hotness) - driving across the country (their journey is TRANScontinental, if you will). And one of them is a TRANSsexual. And it’s called TRANSAmerica. Ohhhhh. *GROAN*
So, Sabrina is about to get a gender reassignment surgery but then she finds out she fathered a son 17 years ago and she goes to find him and they like, become friends but she can’t bring herself to tell him that she is his father and when she finally does he runs away and dyes his hair blonde and stars in a gay porn called Cowabunghole (no, really). That’s a lot of confusing pronouns, huh? Anyway, it’s a domestic melodrama/road movie and it’s really well written and all of the supporting roles are filled with really fantastic actors. I was especially impressed with Fionnula Flanagan as Sabrina’s mother.
I think the most surprising part was how genuinely funny it was. Like this:
Dr. Spikowsky: How do you feel about your penis?
Bree Osbourne: [giving up] It disgusts me. I don’t even like looking at it.
Dr. Spikowsky: What about friends?
Bree Osbourne: They don’t like it either.
Maybe that’s an obvious joke to make, but something about how Sabrina (she goes by ‘Bree’) uses jokes to get through uncomfortable times is so very real and relatable. So, I liked this movie a lot and recommend it.
Oh, and Reese Witherspoon beat out Felicity Huffman for the Oscar? I’m starting to think the Oscars don’t actually have anything to do with talent and performance!
Permalink
08.21.07
Posted in best of, comedy, reviews at 9:43 am by FilmFemme
Since I rediscovered Arrested Development in the last few months, I have fallen completely, utterly, head over heels in love with Michael Cera. Could he BE any CUTER? His shy and awkward bumbling is like, why people used to love Hugh Grant, except for he’s only 19! And he just seems so damn wholesome. Superbad, which I have been eagerly awaiting for what seems like MONTHS (probably because it has actually been months), in no way diminished my love for him.
If you’ve seen any/all of the trailers, it’s pretty obvious what the ‘plot’ of this movie is. Kids are graduating from high school. Kids want to get laid. Kids need booze to get laid. Kids get booze but don’t end up getting laid anyway because, that’s not what they wanted even though they thought it was.
I really liked this movie, but I could have stood for a little less of Jonah Hill and his schtick. He has some hilarious moments, but his wacky energy can get to be a little much. Also, I could not buy that the semi-hot girl that seemed to be into him (I am only surmising her hotness because the plot seemed to imply it and she is thin. I did not find her hot or cute at all but luckily her overgrown bangs covered most of her face) would actually be into him. Yeah, he’s a little funny but also kind of a jerk and soooooo fat. Of course, I also couldn’t believe that every girl in the school wasn’t chasing after Michael Cera. The girl that he is all into is totally cute though. Awwww. I hate her guts.
So, Superbad, funny and entertaining! Or, if you prefer, Superbad is Supergood! Oh no, sorry, I had to go there. And actually I wouldn’t call it Supergood, just pretty good. Really good if you love Michael Cera and the whole thing he does.
Permalink
08.17.07
Posted in best of, comedy, drunk reviews, reviews at 10:04 pm by FilmFemme
I want Christian Slater to be my boyfriend and kill my enemies and then drive me away on his motorcycle and then blow himself up because I broke up with him because he’s a sociopath that kills all my enemies. That would be so fucking hot. And I would be getting laid a lot more than I am now.
Apparently he has been criticized for this before (I’ll find a link when I’m sober[here’s one from amazon]) but, why is Christian Slater doing a Jack Nicholson impersonation? Seriously.
Ok no, but really guys, I really liked this movie a lot. It made me fall in love with Winona Ryder all over again (I don’t remember being in love with her for the first time - Beetlejuice, maybe?). It was maybe not the most *realistic* high school movie. Like, everyone that gets murdered dies really fast. Too fast. And everything is all color-coordinated in a very artificial way. It reminded me of Jawbreaker. Only Winona Ryder is a zillion times cooler than Rose McGowan (unless she has a machine gun for a leg).
What happened to the other ‘Heathers’ in this movie? Shannen Doherty was actually likable for the first part.
I bet that ‘Blazers with Shoulder Pads, Inc.’ saw a sharp decline in profits in 1990.
Here is some choice slang usage from this movie that I am going to try to adopt:
“That is so very.”
“What’s your damage?” (this was also in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (why hasn’t anyone made a Heathers TV show?))
Here’s my favorite quote:
After killing 2 football players:
Christian Slater/Jack Nicholson: Football season was over. They had nothing to offer the school but date rape and AIDS jokes.
I didn’t know date rape and AIDS jokes even existed in 1989! I have so much to learn.
I loved Heathers. It might even be a movie I’d like to own.
Permalink
08.01.07
Posted in best of, misogyny, comedy, television at 6:06 pm by FilmFemme
Last night I watched an episode of Last Comic Standing that has been sitting on my DVR for like a week. It was ho-hum for the most part. Arj Barker got kicked off which I was a little sad about, but he’s on Flight of the Conchords, so I think he’s doing OK for himself. Mostly I just think he’s kind of hot. One day I will get through a post without mentioning how I think so-and-so is hot and want to be bent over his desk. Someday.
There was one girl comedian who got voted through named Sarah? No, Amy. Amy Schumer. And I watched her act and I got to thinking. There seem to be a very limited range of female comedians. Or, comediennes, if you prefer. And I was feeling pretty insightful, so I wrote it down.
1. No one wants to date me even though I am marginally attractive.
Isn’t is hilarious how I never know where my relationships are going?
Boys are so stupid.
Also, I am slut.
Indie comedienne and Ratatouille voice Jeanine Garofalo fits into this category.
2. Everything I say is so filthy that if a man said it, you would be horrified, but I am a semi-cute girl, so it’s charming, right? RIGHT?!?!?
Please love me.
Also, I am a slut.
America’s Comedic Darling Sarah Silverman is the inspiration for this category. Yes, I am secretly jealous of her.
Amy Schumer is also one of these. I am not jealous of her.
3. FATTY HUNGRY!
FATTY SAD 
BOYS MAKE FATTY ANGRY!!!
Roseanne.
On Last Comic Standing this is Debra DiGiovanni. I am a little charmed by her and come to think of it, she doesn’t bitch about not getting dates too much.
Feel free to make some kind of score card for your next open mic night.
Permalink
« Previous entries