Gomorra is a certain kind of movie in a certain kind of neorealistic style that lulls critics into a false sense of security.  That is, makes them believe that because of its brightly saturated colors, minimalist lighting, unprofessional actors and meandering story lines with dark themes and tragic consequences that it is “good.”  With this assessment, I must respectfully disagree.  Though Matteo Garrone’s tribute to his Italian cinematic predecessors is stylistically coherent in its handheld urgency and his determination to show the “real” side of contemporary organized crime in Italy is evident, the wandering, broad, confusing story and ssslllloooowwww pacing makes it difficult for an American audience to appreciate.  That is, I was bored out of my overeducated skull.

After a promisingly badass opening sequence in which (spoiler) a number of young Italian men are shot in the motherfucking throat at a spa (they are getting fake tans and manicures, naturally) the film proceeds to loosely weave together the stories of at least two crime families who find themselves at war in Naples, Italy.  The problems lie in the fact that it is difficult to negotiate who is who — if the gangly oversexed teens are on the same side as the suave overdressed gangster and his confused young sidekick or if the innocent and kind grocery delivery boy is really at war with the corpulent smoking men in tanktops.  Yes, this could indeed be the point, but in the course of a movie, sitting in the dark, trying to figure things out, not knowing what to feel or why the aging father is doing such a bad thing when he teaches the Chinese how to make haute couture, sometimes you just want to see some more motherfuckers get shot in the neck.

Nazi zombies getting killed with chainsaws? Yes, please!

Thanks, Rush Blogg!

Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) is a 12 year old boy living in what seems to be the projects of a cold and dreary Swedish town (are there Swedish towns that are not like this?).  For some reason, despite his small stature and oh-so-flattering white blonde Dutch boy hair, he is bullied by the other boys in his class and, because he has no father figure in his life, can’t bring himself to stand up to them.  One cold and dreary evening in the courtyard of his horribly depressing apartment complex, he meets the beautiful but strange Eli (Lena Leandersson) and they form a tenative friendship.

Meanwhile, their sleepy (and cold and dreary) town is falling victim to a rash of inexplicable murders in which the victims are suspended upside down and their blood drained.  Oskar is morbidly fascinated by this turn of events – until he realizes that Eli is causing them because she is, in fact, a vampire.

The unfortunate thing about this movie seems to be that there are two films here that appeal to different sensibilities.  First, the element of two innocent children who are on the fringes of society developing a bond of trust and friendship and experiencing tenative intimacy.  The second is a gruesome vampire story with attack scenes that verge on cartoonish in their use of CGI and buckets of blood.  Though the movie is very pretty, it’s hard to not be taken out of the story and forget your admiration for the velvety cool colors and the wide-eyed beauty of the littlest vampire when someone is being attacked by computer generated cats.  I think less ambition in terms of the violence could have served the film well, though overall it was very well done and genuinely creepy.

KIDDING!

“I’ve Loved You So Long,” is one of those meandering dramas where everyone seems very gray and sad, but for most of the movie you don’t really know why, but you could probably guess and nothing really HAPPENS, but things definitely happen.  That is, there isn’t much action or even plot, to speak of, but characters change and grow and LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN.

Kristin Scott Thomas plays the character with the dark past.  She’s actually British, but she speaks French and lives in France which is just so fucking cosmopolitan I can’t even stand it.  Anyway, her character, Juliette, was recently released from jail and goes to stay with her sister, Lea (Elsa Zylberstein, who IS French) and her sister’s family while she gets back on her feet.  The whooollleeee movie is about Juliette struggling to return to society, being stigmatized by people who know her secret and trying, indignantly, to convince her sister and her sister’s family that she’s OK and that everything will be OK.

The performances are emotional, raw, nuanced, moving.  The script is meticulous and cuts to the quick of human interaction.

Needless to say, I was bored out of my mind.  I hate films that are GOOD.  No, that’s not true, I just really wasn’t in the mood for this.  It’s well done, but I didn’t think it was necessary.  It isn’t the innovative piece of art that last year’s Le Scaphandre et le papillon was.  It’s slow.  It tells a story well.  But, I feel like it’s story may have been better suited (for me) to a novel.  I can see pages of beautiful language about Juliette’s inner turmoil and even though KST’s face speaks volumes, I wasn’t moved like I wanted to be.

If this movie isn’t nominated for an Oscar, I will buy drinks for everyone who reads this blog.  Either Best Foreign Picture or Best Actress or possibly both.  If it IS nominated, well, I’ll get drunk anyway.

The trailer for The Band’s Visit is charming and funny. An Egyptian police band wandering a deserted street in Israel, trying to get to their gig but ending up in the wrong town! The poster is reminiscent of Wes Anderson, or something else quirky and warm with the blue uniforms standing stark against a harsh and dry background.

Yes, the marketing for this movie is pretty great, as far as these things go. Kudos, Sony Pictures Classics.

The movie itself was disappointing. Like its musicians, it meandered around slowly, directionless, relying on personality conflict instead of real humor. The band leader’s pride is funny for a little while, and his interactions with the sultry and brazen Dina are compelling. But writer/director Eran Kolirin piles quirk on quirk, like he watched Slums of Beverly Hills and then Buffalo ’66 and then Independent Movie #846 and said to himself “Huh. I can do this. Quirk? Check! Awkward dinner table scene? Check! Ostensibly independent female character who doesn’t conform to the social mores of an economically depressed town and seeks escape through a stranger that hasn’t judged her yet? Check!”

The band finds themselves in a town where they aren’t supposed to be, but it turns out they need the town as much as it needs them.

Also, the vast majority of the film is in English, because that is the only language that both the Egyptians and the Israelis speak. However, the ENTIRE film is subtitled. In English. I found this to be very very annoying, because I find it extremely difficult to look away from English subtitles. And also because it makes no fucking sense.

Anyway. This is one of those really dark, super depressing movies where dudes work at a port, only actually the port got shut down and no one can get work and it completely sucks to be them (see Waterfront, On The).

Bardem is Santa (um, yeah) the (sexy) star who is really brooding and angry (supersexy) about how he can’t get work. So he hangs out with all his friends, who also can’t get work and drinks a lot. There’s this heartbreaking scene where he actually takes babysitting job from the bartender’s daughter because he is so desperate for money.

I dig this kind of movie, if I’m in the right mood. The dark yellow tints of the photography and the really touching performances are totally effective. The subplot of Santa’s friend, Jose (Luis Tosar) is also really great: he is so emasculated by the fact that his wife has a job and he doesn’t that he pushes her away until there is no salvaging their marriage. The way that his wife is shot – showing her at her smelly fish packing (I think) job and then coming home to shower and desperately, but gracefully, beg for affection is so so sad and I totally related to it.

Mondays in the Sun is not really an upper. But. Still good. (And sexy).

Actually, I sort of love this movie. I saw it on accident because Atonement was sold out and didn’t know anything about it except someone “heard it was good” and “was based on a graphic novel or something.”

So.

Yes, it is animated. Yes, it is based on a graphic novel. Yes, it is good.

Persepolis is the story of a young woman who spent her early childhood in Iran, during a lot of political upheaval, and was eventually sent to France because there was too much turmoil and danger in Iran. The story starts in the middle, then goes back to the main character, Marjane’s, early childhood and through her adolescence. It not only taught me a shitload of Iranian history (while still being monstrously compelling), it’s also a really sweet story of a girl growing up that I could totally relate to! Also, how fucking adorable is the animation: That’s the little girl (Marjane) pretending she’s Chairman Mao or possibly Jackie Chan. I don’t remember specifically, but sooooo cute!

Joy House: In English.  More Alain Delon.  Jane Fonda is crazy and super horny.  Some seriously funny parts. 

Jane Fonda to Alain Delon: I like you cause you’re poor!  I’m poor too!