Brad Grey & Sumner Redstone (this photo is not from the event I went to)

I will be the first to admit that I kind of squandered the time I spent at the USC School of Cinematic Arts (which was called the School of Cinema-Television way back in the day when I went there).  I went to all my classes and wrote my papers and stuff but I didn’t take full advantage of the faculty or of the cool events that were hosted on campus.  Of course, now that I’m in the real world and getting really panicked about things like SQUANDERING MY ENTIRE LIFE, I sometimes go to the events on campus that I get those annoying emails about.  Tonight, USC and dean of the cinema school Elizabeth Daly hosted a discussion with Viacom Chairman and all around media mogul Sumner Redstone, moderated by Paramount Pictures CEO Brad Grey.  Even though I’m generally wary (read: terrified) of industry-types since my stint as a talent manager’s assistant, I was really excited about the opportunity to see these two bigwigs in conversation.

And guess what?  It was disappointing as hell.

I showed up at the new SCA building early because I was assured the event was “oversold” to ensure capacity.  I didn’t even get to bring a +1.  The theatre (a shiny new lecture hall with a huge screen and state of the art projection that didn’t exist at all a mere 4 years ago) did end up full, but there was hardly the clamoring for seats that I imagined.  So, that’s annoying right off the bat.

As the theatre was filling, a number of VIPs took reserved seats in the front row, including Redstone, Bob “The Kid Stays in the Picture” Evans and other Hollywood business luminaries that I didn’t recognize.  I did see Redstone pinch Evans’ cheek, so that was kind of awesome.

Dean Daly introduced her pal Brad Grey who introduced his boss, Sumner Redstone by way of a 10 minute video about the guy’s life.  I had already read his wikipedia article on my phone while I was waiting for the program to start, but it was kind of interesting to see Bill Clinton and Les Moonves expound on the guy’s life.  One problem I had though, that I often have with things like this, is that the silly bio video just wasn’t very cool.  With the resources of Viacom at your fingertips, the technology that made Transformers 2, you can’t put together a slick and awesome mini-biopic?  All you can give me is a split screen with a talking head on one side and some lame word like “vision” on the other side?  That sucks.

Once the video ended, Redstone himself took the stage.  First, yes, the guy is old.  He is OLD.  He is 86 years old which is old.  I wouldn’t have guess he was that old though.  He shuffles around and is a little hunched over, but generally he is in good shape.  More on this later.  So up to the podium he shuffles, makes a lame joke about Grey being nice because he works for him (that’s almost exactly what he said) and starts in on a speech.  Not like an off the cuff “Hey it’s great to be here.”  No, a speech that was written and read off of a piece of paper.  Ok, not really what I expected.  The speech is about two things:

1. We need to protect movies against piracy

2. Everyone wants 3-D

I wasn’t having too much fun listening to the first part, it was actually really boring and I think totally unnecessary and misdirected at a room full of aspiring filmmakers.  But it was fine.  When he started in on the 3-D part, I decided that, though clearly Mr. Redstone is a saavy businessman who has found extreme success though his own wits, talents and ambitions, he might be just a little bit…out of touch.  He went on and on about how everyone wants to see 3-D movies, it’s the future of movies, it’s awesome.  Um, Ok.  I saw My Bloody Valentine 3-D and if that is the future of movies I’m going to go ahead and resign my membership to the Arclight.  But what really made me question this man’s judgement (in regards to 3-D only) is when he said he wanted to re-release Grease in 3-D.  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!  GREASE?!  I love Grease.  More than one girl should, probably.  But I would have zero, zilch, no, none interest in seeing it in 3-D.  WTF Sumner Redstone.

Finally the speech was over and Redstone sat down with Grey to answer some boring questions about instincts and influences.  I understand these questions are kind of mundane, but his answers to them could have been really compelling.  COULD HAVE been.  Because the thing is, he didn’t answer them.  I don’t think during the whole Q&A with Grey or any of the subsequent Q&A with audience members he answered one single question.  Instead, he just kept evoking the fact that Paranormal Activity was bought $370 thousand dollars and then made a shitload of money.  He seriously mentioned that like 20 times.  When people asked him about his instincts he said something that amounted to “I have good ones.”  When someone asked him about his biggest regret he said “I only made good business decisions.”  He mentioned how EVERYONE thought MTV was just a PASSING FAD when he had first acquired the brand with Viacom.  You sure showed them, Sumner!  Also, did you know he coined the phrase “Content is King!”?  I sure didn’t, but I will never forget after he brought it up 50 times.

Oh, and about him being old.  At one point, Grey asked him about staying so vibrant and active.  He made a comment about consuming a lot of antioxidants and then said “Diet and Exercise.  I think that’s the secret to health.”  I literally almost lost it.  I got a glare from a fellow audience member.  But seriously, the secret?  Really?  That’s the secret wisdom you impart about 86 years on earth?  Oy.

Brad Grey was definitely the best part of the event.  I’m sure he’s a smarm machine, but he was funny, charming and cute as a teeny tiny but extremely powerful dwarf!  I like that little Brad Grey.  He’s neat.

None of this is to take anything away from the extraordinary accomplishments that this clearly extraordinary man has made and no doubt will continue to make in the realm of media.  At 86, being the chair of Viacom, he sure doesn’t have to answer people’s questions if he doesn’t want.  Hell, I probably wouldn’t.  But the thing is, if I didn’t want to, if I was just going to talk about Paranormal Activity and how the youngins shouldn’t be downloading the movies on the internet, I wouldn’t even bother showing up to something like this.  I kinda wish he hadn’t either.

It’s funny, last year I probably saw more movies at the theatre than in any other year of my life.  For only the second time in my life (the first time being last year), I’ve see all of the Best Picture nominees well before the ceremony.  The result of all this?  I really truly do not care who wins Oscars.  Not at all.  Not in the least.  I plan to watch the show, and I’ll give you my opinions, but the fact that some of these trainwrecks masquerading as movies even got nominations boggles my mind  and…well, I plan on formulating or appropriating an Oscar night drinking game to drown my disappointment.  So, check out my picks after the jump.

The should wins are in bold, the will wins are italic, the winners are *d.  It’s only a “win” for me if the “will win” is right.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

• Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor”
• Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon”
• *Sean Penn in “Milk”
• Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler”

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

• Josh Brolin in “Milk” (Focus Features)
• Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder”
• Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt”
• *Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight”
• Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road”

Performance by an actress in a leading role

• Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married”
• Angelina Jolie in “Changeling”
• Melissa Leo in “Frozen River”
• Meryl Streep in “Doubt”
• *Kate Winslet in “The Reader”

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

• Amy Adams in “Doubt”
• *Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
• Viola Davis in “Doubt”
• Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler”

Best animated feature film of the year

• “Bolt”
• “Kung Fu Panda”
• *”WALL-E”

Achievement in art direction

• “Changeling”
• *”The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “The Duchess”
• “Revolutionary Road”

Achievement in cinematography

• “Changeling”
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “The Reader”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”

Achievement in costume design

• “Australia”
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• *”The Duchess”
• “Milk”
• “Revolutionary Road”

Achievement in directing

• David Fincher for “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• Ron Howard for “Frost/Nixon”
• Gus Van Sant for “Milk”
• Stephen Daldry for “The Reader”
• *Danny Boyle for “Slumdog Millionaire”

Achievement in film editing

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “Frost/Nixon”
• “Milk”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”

Achievement in makeup

• *”The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “Hellboy II: The Golden Army”

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “Defiance”
• “Milk”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”
• “WALL-E”

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)

• “Down to Earth” from “WALL-E”
• *”Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire”
• “O Saya” from “Slumdog Millionaire”
• I refuse to choose from these songs because Bruce Springsteen’s The Wrestler should have been here.  I feel very strongly about this.

Best motion picture of the year

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “Frost/Nixon”
• “Milk”
• “The Reader”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”

Achievement in sound editing

• *”The Dark Knight”
• “Iron Man”
• “Slumdog Millionaire”
• “WALL-E”
• “Wanted”

Achievement in sound mixing

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”
• “WALL-E”
• “Wanted”

Achievement in visual effects

• *”The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “The Dark Knight”
• “Iron Man”

Adapted screenplay

• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”
• “Doubt”
• “Frost/Nixon”
• “The Reader”
• *”Slumdog Millionaire”

Original Screenplay

• “Frozen River”
• “Happy-Go-Lucky”
• “In Bruges”
• *”Milk”
• “WALL-E”

You might notice (you won’t) that I skipped a few categories — this is because I have no business commenting on who might win Best Animated Short, etc.  So there you have it.  Check back on Monday to see how I did.

UPDATE: I went 13/19, which is not too shabby, in my opinion.  I knew that Slumdog was going to clean up.  I guess that’s OK…I mean, at least it’s not about the Holocaust or Hobbits.

Simon Beaufoy – Slumdog Millionaire (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Charmingly bumbling short British guy in a tan suit.

I’m always going to give the dumb answer!

Dustin Lance Black - Milk (Best Original Screenplay)

Shockingly youthful, awkwardly comfortable with amazing hair and proportioned like a giraffe.

In response to what he would change about another panelist’s movie:

If I had Brad Pitt in my movie, I definitely would have had a gay sex scene

Courtney Hunt – Frozen River (Best Original Screenplay)

Dedicated, passionate, no-nonsense in a dark blue pantsuit and peep toe pumps.

In response to how she maintained creative control of her film (she also directed):

I had no money.  I was always wondering if I would be able to shoot another day.

Eric Roth – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Completely uninterested, slouching and mumbling, with nothing to prove.

In response to an audience question about the logic of Benjamin Button growing up and then down again:

I have no idea what you just asked me.

John Patrick Shanley – Doubt (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Gangly and personable, eager to make jokes.

Addressed to the moderator (twice):

Fuck you!

(Don’t get the wrong impression, he was quite funny).

Andrew Stanton – WALL-E (Best Original Screenplay)

As douchy as he looks in frameless glasses and an expensive haircut.  Very Hank Scorpio.

I don’t remember any of his quotes because they were usually pretty longwinded.

As a pathetic wannabe writer – in whatever capacity – the most important thing I took away from this panel, that I hear again and again but still struggle with, is just to write.  Just write a first draft.  It is probably going to suck, but it is much better and much less scary than a blank page.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button = The Curious Case of Benjamin’s Butthole

Frost/Nixon = Cocks/Lickem

Milk = Milked

The Reader = The Reamer

Slumdog Millionaire = Slumdoggystyle Millionaires (this sounds more like a hip hop album).

I wanted to contribute a really awesome photoshopped poster for at least one of these but alas, I don’t have Photoshop and MS Paint was not cutting it.

Apart from that, here are my other predictions, keeping in mind that I haven’t actually seen all the nominees….actually, I don’t think that is an important part of predicting winners at all.

Best Motion Picture – Drama: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture  – Drama: Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

Winner: Kate Winslet!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama: Sean Penn, Milk

Winner: Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: Happy-Go-Lucky

Winner: Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: Sally Hawkins, Happy-Go-Lucky

Winner: Sally Hawkins!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: Dustin Hoffman, Last Chance Harvey

Winner: Colin Farrell, In Bruges (WTF?  Really?  A funny little picture, but still quite surprising…)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture: Kate Winslet, The Reader

Winner: Kate Winslet!

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture: Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Winner: Heath Ledger!

Best Animated Feature Film:   Wall-E

Winner: Wall-E

Best Foreign Language Film: I’ve Loved You So Long

Winner: Waltz with Bashir (Vals im Bashir)

Best Director: Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

Winner: Danny Boyle!

Best Screenplay:  The Curious Case of Benjamin Button by Eric Roth

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire by Simon Beaufoy

Best Original Score: Slumdog Millionaire, Compose by A.R. Rahman

Winner: Slumdog Millionaire by A.R. Rahman!

Best Original Song: The Wrestler from The Wrestler, Bruce Springsteen

Winner: The Wrestler! (I cannot emphasize enough how much I love this song).

If I’m right about any of these, I’m going to be pretty pleased with myself.

Winner: FilmFemme, who was 8/14 in predicting the awards.  Maybe not so impressive, but over 50% which is pretty good in terms of my history of predicting things.

The EDA Awards recognize the amazing work done by and about women–both in front and behind the camera. The EDAs (Excellent Dynamic Activism) are named in honor of AWFJ founder Jennifer Merin’s mother, Eda Reiss Merin, a stage, film and television actress whose career spanned more than 60 years.

Ok, I don’t know why they couldn’t just be the AWFJ Awards, but whatever.

First, what I hate about these awards: Um, they are awards and who cares.

 What I LOVE about these awards: They have cocktails named after some of the nominees, with the receipes right there on their website!  Ooh, that is exactly my speed, AWFJ!  Check them out here.  I think I will be trying the Sumdog[sic]-tini.

Some awards commentary after the jump.  If you care.  Which you don’t.

They have all the regular awards, then a Women’s Focus Awards category, then a Special Mention Awards category.  Since I am lazy, I will only comment on the Special Mention Awards.

AWFJ Hall Of Shame Award
27 Dresses

Yeah, this did look really stupid.  Does Hall of Shame mean it’s offensive?

Actress Most in Need Of A New Agent
Kate Hudson

Oh?  Do agents teach you how to act?

Movie You Wanted To Love But Just Couldn‘t (Tie)
Mamma Mia!
The Women

I agree about Mamma Mia! and I didn’t see The Women.

Best Of The Fests
Hunger

Huh? 

Unforgettable Moment Award (Tie)
Dark Knight: Joker’s first scene
Slumdog Millionaire: Young Jamal jumps into the poop

I guess so.  I really didn’t need to think about that poop scene again though.  Especially after lunch.

Best Depiction Of Nudity or Sexuality (Tie)
Elegy
The Reader

I didn’t see Elegy, but yes on The Reader

Best Seduction
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Oh god yes.

Sequel That Shouldn’t Have Been Made Award (Tie)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Saw V

Oh god yes.

The Remake That Shouldn’t Have Been Made Award:
The Women

Ok.

Cultural Crossover Award
Slumdog Millionaire

Well, duh.

Bravest Performance Award
Mickey Rourke – The Wrester

Well, aside from the typo (Um, can I please help you with your website, guys?  Aren’t you WRITERS???) I guess it was a pretty “brave” performance.

Best Leap from Actress to Director Award
Helen Hunt – Then She Found Me

Oh thank god, keep her behind the camera.

Most Egregious Age Difference Between Leading Man and Love Interest
The Wackness – Ben Kingsley and Mary-Kate Olsen

Um, yes.  Thank you.  That is pretty fucking gross.

Ok, well, that was a really scintillating post.  But, hey, I’ve been blogging a lot this week!  It’s exhausting!

The much delayed ensemble romantic comedy He’s Just Not That Into You, based on the book of the same name that has been dog-eared by cat-owning women across the world, is finally coming out February 6th.  The poster went online today.  Hmm…I wonder what this movie is going to be like…

Check it out, after the jump.

I don’t know, do you think maybe some attractive people are going to fall  in and out of love and learn some life lessons along the way?  I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK??

I understand that they want people to get what kind of movie it is, but for all the millions of dollars spent on movie marketing they can’t get any better than a photo collage that a 5th  grader could decoupage on foamboard?  Yawn.

At least this one is a little creative:

All that being said, if He’s Just Not That Into Her, why does everyone look so damn happy?

BEST MOVIE ABOUT WOMEN
Changeling
For instance, we apparently we have wildly different ideas about what constitutes a good movie.  Yes, it is true that Changeling stars a woman (Angelina Jolie) and that said woman cries and yells a lot.  But, so what?  Even though I didn’t particularly like either, Rachel Getting Married and I’ve Loved You So Long are both VASTLY superior to Changeling and center around female characters.  Rachel Getting Married was even written by a woman.  Changeling was an overly long, uneven, messy, boring, piece of crap.  Hell, even Australia was better.  Bad choice, ladies.

BEST YOUNG ACTRESS
Abigail Breslin: Kit Kittredge and Definitely Maybe

How about, Definitely, Maybe Abigail Breslin can fuck off.  No, just definitely.  She is not a good actress and she’s not even cute!  Plus if they’re going to mention Kit Kittredge, they should at least put Nim’s Island in there, too.  Yes, it was atrocious, but Kit Kittredge was worse.

BEST ANIMATED FEMALE
Eve: WALL-E

This is kind of cute.  I didn’t think about the fact that she’s a cartoon chick that doesn’t have impossible proportions and gorgeous hair.

ADRIENNE SHELLY AWARD: For a film that most passionately opposes violence against women
Changeling

Uh, OK.

JOSEPHINE BAKER AWARD: For best expressing the woman of color experience in America
Ballast

I’ve never heard of this movie.  Surprise!

MOST OFFENSIVE MALE CHARACTERS
Aaron Eckhart: Towelhead (I never made it out to see this one.)

Sam Rockwell: Choke (I loved this movie.  I guess his character is offensive, but that is kind of the whole point.)

Larry Bishop: Hell Ride (Didn’t see it.)

Paul Rudd, Sean William Scott: Role Models  (I didn’t see this one, but it seems like this kind of crass humor doesn’t even need to be mentioned.)

Jason Mewes: Zack and Miri Make a Porno (Oh god, does Jason Mewes even count as an actor?  Come on!)

There is also a list of the “Top Ten Hall of Shame” which I won’t go into in detail.  But it includes Zack and Miri Make a Porno, which, as I pointed out in my review, I found to be particularly non-misogynistic.  Weird.

Here’s the thing: yes, this is a blog written by a woman (moi). And I do like to talk about being offended.  But I feel like the thing that most offends me is stereotyping of women.  Go ahead and show men being pigs, why should that bother or offend me?  I have no control over how men act in these films, or in real life.  But I do have control over how I act, and I prefer to see myself as a woman with agency, intelligence, spunk, class and all of that other crap, so that’s why I get offended – not even offended, more like annoyed – when women are portrayed differently than that, just for the sake of having a rag doll character who will do what the dude tells her or seduce the good guy or what have you.  I think it’s counterproductive to put out a list of the “Most Offensive Male Characters” because when it comes right down to it, Males can be pretty damn offensive (Females as well), so why single them out in movies?  Especially when one of the movies on their list (Choke) was actually quite good.  They also name the actors instead of the characters.  What’s up with that?  These guys are just out to act and make movies.  I count most of them among “actors I appreciate” if not “favorites” – why pick on them like this?  I really think this misaimed fingerpointing does the cause of conscientious portrayal of women, as well as creating more and better roles for women, a disservice.  Therefore I will not be joining the Women’s Film Critics Circle.*

*Unless they ask me to.

KIDDING!

“I’ve Loved You So Long,” is one of those meandering dramas where everyone seems very gray and sad, but for most of the movie you don’t really know why, but you could probably guess and nothing really HAPPENS, but things definitely happen.  That is, there isn’t much action or even plot, to speak of, but characters change and grow and LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN.

Kristin Scott Thomas plays the character with the dark past.  She’s actually British, but she speaks French and lives in France which is just so fucking cosmopolitan I can’t even stand it.  Anyway, her character, Juliette, was recently released from jail and goes to stay with her sister, Lea (Elsa Zylberstein, who IS French) and her sister’s family while she gets back on her feet.  The whooollleeee movie is about Juliette struggling to return to society, being stigmatized by people who know her secret and trying, indignantly, to convince her sister and her sister’s family that she’s OK and that everything will be OK.

The performances are emotional, raw, nuanced, moving.  The script is meticulous and cuts to the quick of human interaction.

Needless to say, I was bored out of my mind.  I hate films that are GOOD.  No, that’s not true, I just really wasn’t in the mood for this.  It’s well done, but I didn’t think it was necessary.  It isn’t the innovative piece of art that last year’s Le Scaphandre et le papillon was.  It’s slow.  It tells a story well.  But, I feel like it’s story may have been better suited (for me) to a novel.  I can see pages of beautiful language about Juliette’s inner turmoil and even though KST’s face speaks volumes, I wasn’t moved like I wanted to be.

If this movie isn’t nominated for an Oscar, I will buy drinks for everyone who reads this blog.  Either Best Foreign Picture or Best Actress or possibly both.  If it IS nominated, well, I’ll get drunk anyway.

But when I heard the news, besides the tinge of grief and “Oh, no ” that always comes when someone that you have identified with or admired dies, I felt a sense of indignation.  Besides all of the greatness that will be exalted for the next week or so, with pointless interviews and maybe a marathon of his movies on TCM, Paul Newman, to me, always represented an unerring bastion of class.  Behind his mischievous and sexy grin, you never suspected anything sinister.  He was wholesome, devoted, honest, funny, charming and talented.  And I’m left wondering — who is taking his place?  Is there anyone left in Hollywood without sordid pasts to hide, paralyzing insecurities, a complete lack of restraint or impulse control?  Who sees their work as an actor as a job – a good job – but not a right, not a means to fame and fortune and a golden ticket to bypass shame or decency?  With these celebrated stars dying, to whom are they leaving their legacy?

The “giants” of today’s Hollywood are people that mean box-office.  Obnoxious starlets like Scarlett Johannsen and their male counterparts like Shia LeBeouf.  The slightly older stars like Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Crowe, proclaimed class acts like Kate Winslet or Charlize Theron are still susceptible to being perturbed by their fame.  Surely it’s true that they are subjected to more scrutiny than Newman ever was, but I don’t know — isn’t there some way for them to maintain sophistication?  Mystery?  Charm?

Maybe the state of the movie business is even to blame.  With so much dreck, it’s probably difficult to be excited about your job all of the time.  To not just see it as an empty paycheck.  It makes me almost nauseous to think that Renee Zellweger has the same number of Oscars as Paul Newman (1).

This is making me depressed.  I’m going to watch a (good) movie.