08.06.08
Posted in musical, reviews at 2:34 pm by FilmFemme
Mamma Mia! is a truly awful musical recrafted for the big screen that looked like it was directed and choreographed and written by the cast of Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Only, those kids are pretty smart, so maybe just some regular, non-TV 5th graders. Despite this fact, here are all of the people from the movie that I want to make out with & why:
- Amanda Seyfried: she plays Bill Paxton’s hot blonde daughter (one of many) on Big Love. She was in Mean Girls. She has really nice boobs that I’m jealous of.
- Stellan Skarsgård: He somehow got billed 2nd on IMDb. He was Will Hunting’s somewhat embittered but more awestruck professor/colleague. He has a circle in his name and a sexy accent.
- Colin Firth: He was Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice and then Mark Darcy in the Bridget Jones movies. He’s the thinking girl’s Colin Farrell — unless you’re thinking that you don’t like the name Colin. He has a sexy accent and always looks a little bit confused about the fact that he’s in a movie.
- Pierce Brosnan: He was James Fucking Bond and now he’s in a musical. He has a sexy accent and a little bit of a paunch. I think he probably smells really good.
- Christine Baranski: She is my idol and has been since she was the drunk best friend on Cybill. I can only dream of ever having a career as the drunk best friend.
- The crazy-haired black guy that keeps trying to hook up with Christine Baranaski: He was funny and made a lot of mixed drinks with fruit spears in them.
- Meryl Streep: Oh so lovely.
- Dominic Cooper: I actually wasn’t that turned on by him. He had a nice body, but his face kind of annoyed me. Still, I’ve been known to stoop lower than an annoying face…
- ABBA in the 70s.
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11.21.07
Posted in musical, comedy, classic, reviews at 3:29 pm by FilmFemme
Just in time for the Thanksgiving, Holiday Inn, the best instance of Bing Crosby in blackface you can get on digitally remastered DVD!
No, but seriously, this movie is kind of adorable (blackface aside). Jim (Crosby), Ted (Fred Astaire - who’s IMDB url is 0000001! cool! And who is also, turns out, an awesome dancer!) and Lila (Virginia Dale) are all starring in a stage show, with lots of singing and dancing. Jim wants Lila to marry him and move to Connecticut to get out of show business and she keeps saying she will right up until she says “Um, no thanks, I’m going to stay here with Ted.” So poor Jim goes up to CT all by his lonesome and finds out being a farmer kind of blows. He decides to turn his farmhouse into an Inn that has stage shows, but is only open on Holidays (get it? Holiday Inn?). There is lots of singing and dancing and a hot blonde and some more conniving and threats to marry a millionaire, more dancing, Ted shows up, Ted steals the blonde, takes her to Hollywood, Jim realizes the blonde loves him, but she needs to be wooed so he goes to Hollywood and brings her back to CT and happily ever after. Then some more singing and some dancing. Hooray!
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08.04.07
Posted in musical, drama, reviews at 5:54 pm by FilmFemme
If you were once a middle school-aged girl, like I was, there are probably a few things you were *really* into back then that you are a little embarrassed about now. For me, one of those things is RENT. Naturally, since I knew the libretto by heart and saw the touring company more than once, I wanted to see the movie. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), everyone I knew at the time it came out had their wits about them and refused to go to the theatre with me. So I just finally saw it on DVD. It was awful for so many reasons.
First, now that I am much older - and hopefully wiser - the whole story has become horribly lame. Yes, everyone has AIDS and I guess it’s sad and they’re all artists who have no money. Artists? Really? The documentary that Mark (Anthony Rapp) screens at the end just looks like a bunch of random scenes strung together. He had to quit a paying job to make that? I could have made that the night before it was due and still gotten a B+. Actually, that’s exactly what I would have done if I had taken a film class wherein the goal was to make a Shitty Self-Indulgent Documentary. The songs that Roger (an oh-so-feather-haired Adam Pascal) writes are nauseatingly corny. The ‘performance piece’ that Maureen (Idina Menzel) puts on that ends up inciting a riot is so hackneyed that not would it not start a homeless riot in New York City - it probably would have barely woken the homeless up. The bottom line is that these ‘artists’ SUCK AT ART. But refuse to get or keep real jobs so they’re poor but it’s kind of OK because they live in this magical loft (which is way bigger and nicer than my apartment in Hollywood…I wonder if they allow pets…) where they don’t have to pay rent. Nay, where they refuse to pay rent and think they are actually justified in this refusal, because their landlord and ex-friend Benny (OMG, Taye Diggs is so sexy) should care about their art and let it slide. WTF? You don’t get to live for free just because you are a terrible lazy artist who doesn’t want to get a real job and you probably have AIDS. So, the whole premise of this movie just sucks. And this doesn’t even take into account the lameness of random bursting into song that comes with all musicals.
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