05.12.08
Posted in action, sci fi, reviews at 10:26 am by FilmFemme
Lights, Camera, Holy Shit Tons of Bright Colors Everywhere! It’s like a rainbow drank too many Jell-O Shots and Barfed!
Speed Racer is a fun time. Speed Racer is a little kid (Nicholas Elia, a child actor that really bears an uncanny resemblance to Emile Hirsch) who can’t concentrate on anything in school because all he can think about it RACING.
His older brother, Rex (Scott Porter – the hot but paralyzed quarterback from Friday Night Lights) sometimes takes him the the crazy futuristic race track and lets him drive even though he’s only like 8 or something. Then one day Rex dies and everyone is like, so sad.
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05.02.08
Posted in action, sci fi, reviews at 8:08 am by FilmFemme
Iron Man? Two Words: Fucking Rad.
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12.28.07
Posted in misogyny, thriller, action, sci fi, reviews at 10:33 am by FilmFemme
I Am Legend.
Will Smith is ripped.
Dogs are awesome.
Chicks suck at surviving the apocalypse.
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11.05.07
Posted in comedy, drama, action, sci fi, reviews at 11:02 am by FilmFemme
UPDATE: Remember how I was smitten with Carina Chocano like 2 weeks ago for her sort of neo-feminist Hollywood commentary in the LA Times? Her ‘review’ of Southland Tales is so lame, I’m going to have to retract my statement. Not like she gives it a thumbs up or anything, but it’s just so unimpressive. Try and say something meaningful…or at least try to be funny.
Southland Tales is Richard Kelly’s follow up to the cult favorite Donnie Darko.
I spent all of the 3+hours of Southland Tales thinking one or all of the following:
a) Wait, what?
b) Why isn’t this over yet?
c) Mandy Moore is adorable!
d) The Rock should never wear shirt, ever.
e) Seriously, how is this not over?
There was a Q&A with Kelly following this screening. Boy is that guy dumb and untalented.
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10.01.07
Posted in horror, action, sci fi, reviews at 12:03 pm by FilmFemme
Dear FilmFemme,
What should I do if someone invited me to see a movie and I suggest like 3 or 4 good movies that are out that I want to see (like Eastern Promises or The Brave One or Into the Wild) and he comes back with “Let’s see Resident Evil“?
Confused in California
Dear Confused,
The only thing to say in a case like this is:
“You know, I really don’t think this is going to work out. Good luck in all your future shitty zombie movie starring Milla Jovovich who seems like she could be a total badass but isn’t and Ali Larter who can’t extricate herself from sci-fi/horror because she couldn’t act her way out of a paperbag or some other cliche so you’ll be disappointed when she doesn’t get her creepy eyes eaten by either evil crows or zombies endeavors.”
Either that or get really really high before you go.*
*Please note that FilmFemme.com does not condone the use of illegal drugs for any reason other than watching movies based on video games.
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09.23.07
Posted in Random Sunday Afternoon Movie, action, sci fi, reviews at 4:23 pm by FilmFemme
Soldier
Released: 1998
Star: Kurt Russell
Setting: Future
Plot: N/A
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07.15.07
Posted in guest reviews, action, sci fi, reviews at 5:38 pm by spectacle_triage
A dozen or so shallow human characters gibber fractured dialogue at each-other amidst an incomprehensible whirling mass of metal. Watch Michael Bay’s Transformers and you’ll know what it’s like to be put in a blender with a bunch of watch parts and an iPhone playing deleted scenes from other Michael Bay films.
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Posted in sci fi, reviews at 12:04 pm by FilmFemme
A truly harrowing tale, Solarbabies is a film that defined a generation of scrappy, rollerskating, post-apocalyptic orphans.
Jason (Jason Patric), Terra (Jami Gertz) and Daniel (Lukas Haas) lead a group of misfit orphans including A Nerd and A Black Kid on a journey across the barren post-apocalyptic desert in search of their families and water. Apparently, the government is holding all the water hostage for some reason?
But before they can rescue the planet’s water (since this duty falls to them for some reason) the orphans have to escape from their government-run orphanage. When Daniel runs off when the glowing orb that the kids have been playing futuristic lacrosse with, called Bodhi and it leads him out into the desert, the others have no choice but to go searching for him on their rollerskates! Luckily, the post-apocalyptic desert has a lot of smooth, downhill paths. The kids manage to evade the Earth Police, who want to bring them back to the orphanage but the boys are eventually captured by bounty hunters who leash them up to a carriage of sorts and force them to pull them through the desert. Meanwhile, Terra locates her long lost family who live in a cave where a melting glacier gives them plenty of valuable water. Terra and her new tribe rescue the other orphans and Jason decries that they have to go liberate earth’s water and Bodhi, who has been kidnapped by the EP.
Meanwhile, Evil Guy in Futuristic Corrugated Suit and Short-haired Eurotrash Bitch are performing experiments on Bodhi with their robot that can “squeeze the color from a ruby and pluck the eyeball from a living bird” and “is programmed to enjoy it.” Neither ruby nor bird, the robot doesn’t affect Bodhi. The orphans break into the water headquarters and a fight ensues. The scrappy orphans prevail and they release all the water that has been held captive, thereby saving the planet! No one seems concerned about flooding or erosion.
Overall, this is a highly entertaining movie that basically writes its own snarky commentary throughout. For instance, Bodhi is given another name by the Protectorate but it’s pretty much impossible to decipher what they are calling it - Orange Juice? Laundryness? The hilarious possibilities are endless. This sort of baffling dialogue coupled with mediocre rollerskating feats, futuristic desert locales and really earnest performances make Solarbabies the perfect solution for what to watch when there is nothing else on.
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