All of this is to say that if you swoon at the sight of quirky indie bad boy Sam Rockwell like I do, you will probably find Moon to be wholly watchable.  If you are ambivalent or hold any negative feelings towards him, well, you might not.

The year is…sometime in the not so distant future.  Sam Bell (Rockwell) is working alone on the Moon, seemingly mining resources for use as energy back on earth.  He spends his days in the station with no companionship besides intermittent video messages from the company for whom he works and his wife and daughter and a space computer voiced by Kevin Spacey.  As the film begins he is nearing the end of his 3 year contract and preparing to return home to earth.  Unfortunately, something goes awry and when he returns to the ship after crashing his moon-mobile (I’m certain there is a more technical term for this) he finds himself face to face with a hotter, meaner, better groomed version of himself.  At first it’s impossible to tell if this is real or if so much time alone in space with KevinSpaceyComputer has caused him to go insane.  We quickly realize that the former is true and the two Sam Bell’s have to both figure out why there are two of them and how they will get back to earth unharmed.

The premise of Moon treads familiar science fiction ground and while it is an intrinsically interesting idea, something is missing in its execution.  The pacing of the film is uneven: it’s slow to get started then throws a lot of information at you, rapid fire.  Combined with direction that is passable at best and characterization that never goes quite as deep as I wanted it to left Moon without the stakes that it needed to be a really good movie.  By the end, I was still interested but the amount that I actually cared about the outcome was slim to none.  It also suffered from overscoring which is admittedly a pet peeve of mine but makes it that much easier to dismiss dramatic events with a frustrated eye-roll. 

I enjoyed watching Moon, but it’s the kind of movie that you’re not going to keep thinking about when it’s over…unless you see it on Netflix and wonder “why wasn’t that movie better”*

*or, “Sam Rockwell has a hot ass”

But regardless of my lack of Trek-exposure, I really enjoyed JJ Abrams’ reworking of the original characters.  Firstly I’d like to go on record saying that “Star Trek is a sexy Sci Fi romp through space and time!” you know, in case anyone wants to quote me on that.  Because damn, there was a lot of hotness in this cast.  I know that Chris Pine‘s Kirk was probably meant to take the sexy cake (mm, sexy cake) but I’ll be damned if I didn’t think Spock (Zachary Quinto, who is apparently on some TV show about heros or something, whatever, who watches TV anyway?) was way hotter.  Sure, Kirk’s bad boy, devil-may-care attitude is certainly attractive, but something about the vaguely adrongynous, definitively logical and very well groomed Spock was just HOT.

The plot of the movie doesn’t reinvent any SciFi standards: there are black holes and some time travel and some evil alien race is out to destroy earth.  Kirk & co are brand new recruits and have to band together and overcome their differences (which are many!) and tangled romances (Vulcans make out?  That’s weird) and language barriers (Ok, Charlie Bartlett, we get it, you practiced really hard with a dialect coach) and bumblingness (aw, there you are Shaun of the Dead!) in order to defeat The Hulk.  Yeah, I think I summed it up OK.

I liked all the parts where Kirk was being charming and Spock was being logical and Harold was being kind of chivalrous and cute.  I didn’t like Bones…he seemed like he was trying too hard to be deadpan and it left me uncomfortable (though he was also extremely attractive, so, um, wasn’t so bad).  I also wasn’t a huge fan of Uhura (Zoe Saldana) but I think that probably had more to do with her character who was kind of that stock goody two-shoes chick who refuses to be seduced which is something I don’t really identify with than it did with the actress.

There was also a part where Kirk ends up on a snow planet where I kind of fell asleep for a few minutes.  All that white, I don’t know.  But in general I thought that Star Trek was a really swell summer movie that was fast paced, funny at times and just all around fun, you know?  I like that in a movie.

I saw this movie a while ago and I liked this movie.  Yeah, no, I really did.  I like Hellboy’s devil-may-care (I know, grooooaaaan) attitude.  I liked Selma Blair’s nearly inexplicable righteous indignation  at nonsuperhumans (not to mention her cute hair and the fact that she’s in panties for half of her screen time).  I even kind of like that blue guy and how he falls in love with the creepy princess who would have been played by Samantha Morton if it was 10 years ago.  I even liked the douchy, evil prince guy with the long hair whose only friend seemed to be a giant monster with detachable wrists.  I really liked the giant evil plant that bled moss, that thing was aweeeessssoomee.

But you know what I don’t like?  Tecate Light.*

*I haven’t tried Tecate Light.  But regular Tecate makes me barf. 

Speed Racer is a fun time.  Speed Racer is a little kid (Nicholas Elia, a child actor that really bears an uncanny resemblance to Emile Hirsch) who can’t concentrate on anything in school because all he can think about it RACING. 

His older brother, Rex (Scott Porter – the hot but paralyzed quarterback from Friday Night Lights) sometimes takes him the the crazy futuristic race track and lets him drive even though he’s only like 8 or something.  Then one day Rex dies and everyone is like, so sad.

Speed grows up (and is now Emile Hirsch) and becomes an awesome driver.  He even graduates from whatever ‘high school’ is called in Speed Racer world with the help of his adorable girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci who has like the cutest hair that I could never pull off) who is totally smart and in loooooove with him.

Speed is impressing everyone so much with his mad driving skillz that he is courted by evil racing sponsor Royalton (a perfectly cast Roger Allam).  Then there are all kinds of decisions to be made and races to be won.

The real centerpiece of Speed Racer is the racing sequences (surprise!).  For the most part, the bright colors and flashing lights kept me & my puppy-length attention span entertained but occasionally — stay with me here — it was just too fast.  I know, that sounds really stupid.  Maybe it’s a technological limitation but the CG cars were going so fast and the bright colors were streaking by to the point that I couldn’t tell what the hell was going on.  It’s hard to feel suspense about who is going to win a race when you can’t even tell who is in the lead.

Apart from that, I was entertained by most of the plot that clipped along and was quotably goofy (“Oh my god.  Was that a ninja??”).  The actors seemed to take themselves just seriously enough.   John Goodman as Speed’s dad sat on the “a little too seriously” end and Ricci on the “maybe not quite serious enough” with Hirsch comfortably in the middle.  Matthew Fox as Racer X was also awesomely hot and mysterious.   Paulie Litt as Spritle Racer with his pet chimp Chim Chim and Susan Sarandon with her distractingly large knockers as the Racer mom round out the cast nicely though I got a bit tired of the antics of both.  I was also a little frustrated when, at one point, Trixie gets to drive and it turns out she’s an awesome driver AND she’s way smarter than Speed, but she’s still not much more than a glorified cheerleader.  Boo.

If nothing else, this movie is sure to make one impression: you will be singing “Go, Speed Racer, Go!” for at least a week.  Do do do do dooooo!

I went to a midnight screening of this movie last night at the Arclight Dome.  But what happened was the 12:01 show was announced and sold out.  And then they added like 3 shows BEFORE it, so all the fanboys (not me) who were so psyched about seeing the first show were pouty.  But, to appease them, director Jon Favreau and star Robert Downey, Jr. were there to introduce the movie.  Woo!  RDJ is really short.  Favreau is so money.  I’m pretty sure after this movie blows open the summer box office, he will know it.

Tony Stark builds weapons and then gets taken hostage in Afghanistan (topical!) where he finds out his weapons may have been used for evil, which leaves him to question his whole purpose and (spoiler?) BECOME IRON MAN.

Oh yeah, and tons of shit explodes. Like, seriously, so many huge fucking explosions.

Though some die hard fans may have balked at casting choices, Robert Downey, Jr. is the best possible Iron Man I could imagine. I mean, I wasn’t a fan or anything (of the hero – I am a long time RDJ supporter) but god, he was so good! Just smug enough and wry, but also somehow believable as hero and genius. Gwyneth Paltrow is also totally likable and adorable as his capable and beautiful assistant who is just out of his reach. I tried really hard to dissect some inherent superhero misogyny, but I really wasn’t feeling it.  Even Leslie Bibb as sexy investigative reporter for Vanity Fair wasn’t completely detestable.  Actually, I think Leslie Bibb is kind of great (did you see Talladega Nights?  She was hilarious), but her character wasn’t even really offensive.  So she wanted to fuck Tony Stark — who wouldn’t?

Rounding out the cast are a bloated, bald and bearded Jeff Bridges as Stark’s partner Obadiah Stane and Terrence Howard as Stark’s buddy Rhodes.  Bridges is totally intimidating, Howard kind of annoys me, but he was OK.

 In the vein of great super hero movies like Spider Man, it is the writing and thorough, compelling character development that make Iron Man really great and engaging.  And also some totally sweet special effects including a ridiculously slick suit.   Jon Favreau’s directing is precise and evocative where it needs to be and there is only the tiniest bit of schmaltz that I didn’t like.  And I forgot about it as soon as something exploded.

This movie is so rad.

Stay for the end of the credits if you know what’s good for you.  You’re reading my blog, so you must.

Will Smith is ripped.

Dogs are awesome.

Chicks suck at surviving the apocalypse. 

Southland Tales is Richard Kelly‘s follow up to the cult favorite Donnie Darko.

I spent all of the 3+hours of Southland Tales thinking one or all of the following:

a) Wait, what?

b) Why isn’t this over yet?

c) Mandy Moore is adorable!

d) The Rock should never wear shirt, ever.

e) Seriously, how is this not over?

There was a Q&A with Kelly following this screening.  Boy is that guy dumb and untalented.

What should I do if someone invited me to see a movie and I suggest like 3 or 4 good movies that are out that I want to see (like Eastern Promises or The Brave One or Into the Wild) and he comes back with “Let’s see Resident Evil“?

Confused in California

Dear Confused,

The only thing to say in a case like this is:

“You know, I really don’t think this is going to work out.  Good luck in all your future shitty zombie movie starring Milla Jovovich who seems like she could be a total badass but isn’t and Ali Larter who can’t extricate herself from sci-fi/horror because she couldn’t act her way out of a paperbag or some other cliche so you’ll be disappointed when she doesn’t get her creepy eyes eaten by either evil crows or zombies endeavors.”

Either that or get really really high before you go.*

*Please note that FilmFemme.com does not condone the use of illegal drugs for any reason other than watching movies based on video games.

Released: 1998

Star: Kurt Russell

Setting: Future

Plot: N/A