FilmFemme » television

CNN’s Planet in Peril

FilmFemme — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 18:51:19 +0000

Top Ten Things that pissed me off about the screening of this I went to at Grauman’s

10. It started late.

9. The Netflix Original Content chick who introduced it and seemed like she had never held a microphone. Ok, I should cut her slack because she was probably really nervous. It was annoying though.

8. The girl who sat beside me and blackberry-d

7. The name “Dr. Sanjay Gupta”

6. The special looked slapped together – bad photography, bad utilization of HD, too much Anderson Cooper looking like a total prissy lameass. (My gay joke: “This is the only time you’ll ever see Anderson Cooper go on a search for beavers.”)

5. They didn’t update the CNN logo to be HD so it was all pixelized in the bottom corner of the screen.

4. The Executive Producer that attempted “banter” with Anderson Cooper et al who was such a total douchebag but thought himself to be hilarious when he WAS NOT AT ALL.

3. Anderson Cooper, Jeff Corwin and Sanjay Gupta are all the same height: short.

2. They spliced the special down to about 45 minutes and ended it right before Jeff Corwin is going to play with polar bears!!

and the number one thing that pissed me off about this screening was…

1. Anderson Cooper is so not that hot in person.

I take solace in this:

*Sigh*

Guest Review: Armchair marketing for “Samantha Who?”

spectacle_triage — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 03:25:25 +0000

I like Christina Applegate, but judging by the promotional material I’ve seen for “Samantha Who?“, her next series might be called “Christina Who?”

(I dare the soup to not make this same joke.)

Television: Two and a Half Men

FilmFemme — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 04:27:53 +0000

I was so tired that I was too lazy to change the channel so I saw an episode of the most popular sitcom on television, “Two and a Half Men.” Here’s how it went (and how I assume every single episode of this show goes):

Charlie Sheen is an evil whore who likes to fuck retarded slutty chicks.

Charlie’s brother is a total puss.

Charlie’s brother’s ex-wife is a bitch.

There’s a little fat kid and a huge fat maid hanging around.

There are no jokes except for to describe all those things I just mentioned.

I think this show killed more brain cells than all of the drinks I had last week. And that was a lot of drinks.

Television: Last Comic Standing or How Ovaries Prevent You From Being Funny

FilmFemme — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 01:06:15 +0000

Last night I watched an episode of Last Comic Standing that has been sitting on my DVR for like a week. It was ho-hum for the most part. Arj Barker got kicked off which I was a little sad about, but he’s on Flight of the Conchords, so I think he’s doing OK for himself. Mostly I just think he’s kind of hot. One day I will get through a post without mentioning how I think so-and-so is hot and want to be bent over his desk. Someday.

There was one girl comedian who got voted through named Sarah? No, Amy. Amy Schumer. And I watched her act and I got to thinking. There seem to be a very limited range of female comedians. Or, comediennes, if you prefer. And I was feeling pretty insightful, so I wrote it down.

1. No one wants to date me even though I am marginally attractive.
Isn’t is hilarious how I never know where my relationships are going?
Boys are so stupid.
Also, I am slut.

Indie comedienne and Ratatouille voice Jeanine Garofalo fits into this category.

2. Everything I say is so filthy that if a man said it, you would be horrified, but I am a semi-cute girl, so it’s charming, right? RIGHT?!?!?
Please love me.
Also, I am a slut.

America’s Comedic Darling Sarah Silverman is the inspiration for this category. Yes, I am secretly jealous of her.

Amy Schumer is also one of these. I am not jealous of her.

3. FATTY HUNGRY!
FATTY SAD
BOYS MAKE FATTY ANGRY!!!

Roseanne.

On Last Comic Standing this is Debra DiGiovanni. I am a little charmed by her and come to think of it, she doesn’t bitch about not getting dates too much.

Feel free to make some kind of score card for your next open mic night.