02.07.08
All the Pretty Horses
Before there was No Country for Old Men, there was All the Pretty Horses, another western-y movie based on a Cormac McCarthy novel (yeah, apparently I should have known who this dude was). Matt Damon and Elliott from E.T. live in Texas, only after Matty’s granddaddy dies, his deadbeat whore of a mom is going to sell the ranch, so he convinces Elliott to saddle up and ride their horses to Mexico where life is awesome. Along the way, they run into that kid from Sling Blade, who is completely awesome except for he’s real scared of lightning and ends up soaking wet and naked in a ditch. Then they have to steal his horse back (because it ran away while he was in the ditch), then the kid goes off by himself (aw, he was so cool!) and Matt and Elliott get a job busting broncos (this is the scene that kicks the most ass) for some Mexican Patron who has a hot daughter (Penelope Cruz). Of course, that crazy kid comes back to haunt them and then the movie takes a totally annoying turn when they end up in jail for like, 25 minutes (in the movie).
The movie wasn’t great to begin with. I got past MD’s accent, Elliott was pretty cute though he didn’t have much to do, and I could totally get behind the idea of Damon/Cruz sex. But when they went to jail it was just kind of like “WTF? Is this the same movie?” Sure, Billy Bob Thornton is no Coen brother, but, this should have been better.