FilmFemme

Well, it seems like I’ve been wasting my time. All along I should have been using The Dictionary Test to rate movies. Not sure how this translates to female anatomy, but I’m willing to run some tests.

I liked Jesse Eisenberg when I first saw him in Roger Dodger all those years ago — his pent up sexual energy oozing out among cougar sexpots Jennifer Beals and Elizabeth Berkeley.  I loved him in The Squid and the Whale – his arrogance hiding his pain and confusion, and still more pent up sexual energy.  Though he seems to have bulked up a little bit he doesn’t seem to have aged a day in the last 5 years and not surprisignly, I liked him in Adventureland, a quirky, romantic, angsty “quarterlife” drama that is at times riotously funny in its wacky antics and at times almost tragic in its realism.  Oh, and there is plenty of pent up sexual energy.

Eisenberg plays James Brennan who comes home to live with his parents after he graduates from Oberlin.  With a liberal arts degree (hey, I’ve got one of those!) he find himself either under or overqualified for anything that might resemble gainful employment and ends up getting a job at the local eponymous carnival.  Rather than zany, the cast of characters James encounters at Adventureland are for the most part morose and malcontent.  He quickly befriends his coworker, Joel (Martin Starr) who has a degree in Russian literature and develops an immediate crush on Em (Kristin Stewart), a beautiful, sharp and troubled NYU student who took a job at the carnival to escape a tumultuous home life. 

Upon reflection, these characters are easy to peg, but the way the story develops wasn’t what I expected and I found it moving in a way that the vast majority of movies, whether they are meant to target me as a demographic, are not.  The summer progresses typically, the carnys (sp?) falling in and out of love, drinking excessively, smoking a lot of marijuana and generally just trying to figure out life.  Oh god, I think I have been pandered to.

SNL’s Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are hilarious as the couple that runs the carnival.  Their straightfaced enthusiasm and confusion is priceless.  Martin Starr, who was unknown to me before, was also notable in his performance as the geeky but sweet friend and Matt Bush as the asshole friend leftover from grade school was iconically funny.  If this movie were to see the same kind of success as something like Napoleon Dynamite (I’m sure it won’t, though I would be shocked to learn the comparison wasn’t tossed around at any point) then it would be Bush’s ball punching, sweatband wearing Tommy Frigo that people would undoubtedly latch on to.

I was planning on including a paragraph here about how the female characters were all somewhat detestable, but that really wasn’t the case, I think I just want it to be.  Actually, Em is probably the most complex character in the film and even though she does make poor choices and behave irrationally at moments, that is easily attributable to the fact that she is human, not that she is a woman.  This can often be a problem with feminist theorizing: it can backfire and have you (me) end up demonizing women instead of…you know, not doing that which is the whole point.

There were points where I felt like Adventureland was trying a little too hard and the peripheral characters were a little cliche, from Ryan Reynolds’ philandering maintenance man to Lisa P, the super-hot chick who is also super-Christian but there was something truthful and flawed about the way that James and Em negotiate their summer and each other that is touching and sweet.   The poster and the trailer are very misleading — this isn’t a zany summer stoner comedy, though there are moments of that.  It’s much more angsty and dark than that, but that’s a good thing.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

I am so excited to see EARTH.  Yay!  Parade of cuteness!  Narrated by Patrick Stewart! Darth Vader! (more…)

This is a long delayed posting of a much underseen film that did not get the recognition I believe it deserved during awards season.  As a matter of fact, looking back over its awards history, I am really saddened that writer /director Courtney Hunt went unrecognized in all of the big competitions.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

Frozen River is a dreary and cold movie (I feel like I’ve described this before…) about a middle-aged woman named Ray (Melissa Leo) who finds herself alone raising two sons in the unforgiving and desperate winter of upstate New York.  Her husband has abandoned them and taken the last of their savings that was supposed to go towards payment on their new doublewide.  With something that doesn’t so much qualify as inner strength as it does what any underemployed single mother must do to get through the day, Ray ventures out to find her husband, but all that’s left of him in town is his car.  In pursuit of the vehicle, Ray meets a young Native American woman named Lila (Misty Upham) who had taken the car to be abandoned and insists that she will buy it because she knows someone who is always looking for cars with button release trunks.  Though Ray flatly refuses to sell the car, she does agree to go on a smuggling mission with Lila across the Canadian border.  Though dangerous, the money is too good to pass up and Ray and Lila form a tentative partnership smuggling illegals, mostly of East-Asian descent across the Canadian border into New York.  They work together begrudgingly but the risks are outweighed by the rewards: for Ray, the new doublewide on the horizon and for Lila, money to give to her mother-in-law, who has forcibly taken her infant son to raise. (more…)

Michael Cera plays a lovably baffled and recently heartbroken indie rock aficionado who, along with band of merry very gay boys meets Kat Dennings while on an unsupervised jaunt to Manhattan to track down their favorite band, “Where’s Fluffy?” They fall in love while trying to find her drunk friend (a charming and adorable  Ari Graynor) who ran off.

They fall in love and he gives her  her first orgasm on a couch.

WTF?

Ok, but at the very least, surely this shockingly blunt,  poorly acted, practically humorless teenage rom/com had some lessons thrown in there somewhere.  Let’s have a look.

Lessons Learned

1. It is A-OK to get completely shitfaced in NYC, barf in the Port Authority bathroom, and make out with strangers.  As a matter of fact, it is completely necessary if you want your best friend to fall in love.
2. It is A-OK to just drive away while your slutty ex-girlfriend does a striptease for you by the East River, leaving her stranded.
3. It is unacceptable to not have had an orgasm by the age of 17 if you are a female.  Everyone will know about it and publicly (pubicly?) shame you.
4. It is really easy to get cameos from John Cho, Andy Samberg, Seth Myers, Devendra Banhart and Bishop Allen for your movie no matter how much it sucks.  Filmmakers take note.
5. “Finger bang” is the unanimously preferred parlance for what Michael Cera does to Kat Dennings at the end.
6. Teenagers today have no parents.

Gomorra is a certain kind of movie in a certain kind of neorealistic style that lulls critics into a false sense of security.  That is, makes them believe that because of its brightly saturated colors, minimalist lighting, unprofessional actors and meandering story lines with dark themes and tragic consequences that it is “good.”  With this assessment, I must respectfully disagree.  Though Matteo Garrone’s tribute to his Italian cinematic predecessors is stylistically coherent in its handheld urgency and his determination to show the “real” side of contemporary organized crime in Italy is evident, the wandering, broad, confusing story and ssslllloooowwww pacing makes it difficult for an American audience to appreciate.  That is, I was bored out of my overeducated skull.

After a promisingly badass opening sequence in which (spoiler) a number of young Italian men are shot in the motherfucking throat at a spa (they are getting fake tans and manicures, naturally) the film proceeds to loosely weave together the stories of at least two crime families who find themselves at war in Naples, Italy.  The problems lie in the fact that it is difficult to negotiate who is who — if the gangly oversexed teens are on the same side as the suave overdressed gangster and his confused young sidekick or if the innocent and kind grocery delivery boy is really at war with the corpulent smoking men in tanktops.  Yes, this could indeed be the point, but in the course of a movie, sitting in the dark, trying to figure things out, not knowing what to feel or why the aging father is doing such a bad thing when he teaches the Chinese how to make haute couture, sometimes you just want to see some more motherfuckers get shot in the neck.

I know you’re having an Oscar party, so don’t forget your printable pdf ballot.

It’s funny, last year I probably saw more movies at the theatre than in any other year of my life.  For only the second time in my life (the first time being last year), I’ve see all of the Best Picture nominees well before the ceremony.  The result of all this?  I really truly do not care who wins Oscars.  Not at all.  Not in the least.  I plan to watch the show, and I’ll give you my opinions, but the fact that some of these trainwrecks masquerading as movies even got nominations boggles my mind  and…well, I plan on formulating or appropriating an Oscar night drinking game to drown my disappointment.  So, check out my picks after the jump. (more…)

Firstly, can we please put the kibosh on the “America is Just That Into” and “We’re Just That Into” and “Harvey Weinstein’s Just Not That Into” headlines?  Please?  Pretty please? 

I went to see He’s Just Not That Into You over the weekend.  It was pretty much against my will.  And it pretty much made me want to kill myself.  Now, I’ve never read the eponymous book – as a matter of fact, I’m not even certain I’m using the word “eponymous” correctly - but I can’t really argue with the basic tenets of said book, that are spelled out in the movie using oh-so-subtle intertitles (e.g., …if he’s not marrying you, …if he’s sleeping with someone else, …if he is Criss Angel…Ok, I made that one up, but I think you get the idea).  What I can argue with is the value of this stupid movie that, though probably disturbingly accurate in some cases, is not just offensive to women, but to all adults who purport to be capable of decent, mature interpersonal relationships.  Yes, everyone plays mind games once in a while, or makes a mistake, or posts a passive-aggressive status update on facebook, but for the most part, I like to believe that there are a lot of people out there who are decent and nice and not BATSHIT INSANE like everyone in this movie!

A rundown of the characters and the endless range that each actor had to display in embodying these incredible three-dimensional and completely sympathetic men and women (and a bunch of spoilers) after the jump. (more…)

The Conversation: Undeniably awesome!

Breathless: Sexily French!

Away From Her: Sadly boring!

Taken: Disappointingly corny!

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a panel hosted by Creative Screenwriting Magazine that included 6 of 10 Oscar nominated screenwriters for this year.  The panelists are listed below, followed by a pithy commentary on their personality:

Simon Beaufoy – Slumdog Millionaire (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Charmingly bumbling short British guy in a tan suit.

I’m always going to give the dumb answer!

Dustin Lance Black - Milk (Best Original Screenplay)

Shockingly youthful, awkwardly comfortable with amazing hair and proportioned like a giraffe.

In response to what he would change about another panelist’s movie:

If I had Brad Pitt in my movie, I definitely would have had a gay sex scene

Courtney Hunt – Frozen River (Best Original Screenplay)

Dedicated, passionate, no-nonsense in a dark blue pantsuit and peep toe pumps.

In response to how she maintained creative control of her film (she also directed):

I had no money.  I was always wondering if I would be able to shoot another day.

Eric Roth – The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Completely uninterested, slouching and mumbling, with nothing to prove.

In response to an audience question about the logic of Benjamin Button growing up and then down again:

I have no idea what you just asked me.

John Patrick Shanley – Doubt (Best Adapted Screenplay)

Gangly and personable, eager to make jokes.

Addressed to the moderator (twice):

Fuck you!

(Don’t get the wrong impression, he was quite funny).

Andrew Stanton – WALL-E (Best Original Screenplay)

As douchy as he looks in frameless glasses and an expensive haircut.  Very Hank Scorpio.

I don’t remember any of his quotes because they were usually pretty longwinded.

As a pathetic wannabe writer – in whatever capacity – the most important thing I took away from this panel, that I hear again and again but still struggle with, is just to write.  Just write a first draft.  It is probably going to suck, but it is much better and much less scary than a blank page.